The In Between Stage

Starting to hate this in between stage.  Tomorrow we have a party to go to at a friends house whom I'm not out to yet.  Normally ok I can be in boy mode, except there is a pool and everyone goes swimming. It's gonna be hard to hide my growing breasts.  Cuz they are noticeable as breasts now.  Not sure how they will take it if I come out to them.  Either they could be like everyone else and be like "yeah we knew that" or they could not accept me.  It's so hard to know.  Ugh. We're still going to go, but I'm just worried. I know that if they can't accept me for who I am then they really aren't friends, but I don't want that pain if they can't accept me.

This is worry and stress is also weighing down on my wife.  I hate doing this to her.  Why can't the world be more accepting?  Why does it have to be hateful and ignorant?  

Ugh.

Quick July Update

So it's been 7 months on hormones.  I would love to say I'm getting a handle on my new more emotional state, but I'd be lying.  I mean I was emotional before starting hormones, but now I cry at the drop of a hat.  It takes everything in my being to hold back from crying about things at work.  As for physical changes, my breasts keep growing... slowly, but they are growing.  I'm about a B cup.  I find I need the support of a bra more and more.  This past weekend my wife and I were in Disney World for her birthday and I went 4 days without wearing a bra and it got painful at times. :(  But I survived.   Oh speaking of Disney World something exciting happened.  My wife and I were going to ride the new attraction Journey of the Little Mermaid at the new Fantasyland at the Magic Kingdom and the attendant called me and my wife Ladies.  Like I wasn't wearing makeup, and wasn't really all that femininely dressed... ok I was dressed a bit feminine... pink & powder blue hat, girl shorts, girl tank top, but still subtle to be kind of androgynous and he called us Ladies.   That just made the rest of my day.  Thank god I didn't open my mouth as I haven't really worked on my voice and it is definitely male sounding.  That might have really confused him.  Oh and also the day after that as we were entering Epcot, the cast member at the turnstile called me miss.  Seems like I'm starting to pass a bit without trying.  But I just don't see it when I look in the mirror.  :(  I wonder if I will ever see the changes. How long until I see the reflection I am supposed to see???  Oh well, two great moments at least.

And happy 30th birthday to my wife.  We were both worried about this journey of transition and we have grown so much closer.... closer than we ever thought possible.... and each day we get closer.... yay!!!!!