October 11th, 2013 was national coming out day. After a long internal debate, I decided to expand the circle of people I'm out to. It took me about 3 weeks to think of what to write, and then 4 rewrites on the day to create the Facebook post that I made to out myself. I am now out to 95% of the people I'm friends with on Facebook. The only people left are some family that I'm going to tell in person after the holidays. I was so scared writing the post. Even though I've had nothing but positive comments and support from everyone else I have come out to, this time could have been different. But I was in awe at the responses. It was all positive. Everyone was so supportive. I was taken back by all the love and support. It felt so good. I still partially on cloud 9 and it's been over a week. With that hurdle, I decided to also come out to a couple family members on FB messenger and also email one of my aunts. Again, nothing but love and support. I can't get over it. Such a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. People love and accept me for who I am. It still brings me to tears thinking about it.
Monday, October 21, 2013
Wednesday, October 9, 2013
10 Months
Today marks 10 months on hormones. I can't believe how quickly the time has gone by. I am happy with the progress I'm making. I do get a bit discouraged sometimes though. I see so many woman post before and after pictures at less time than I've been on hormones and they have progressed so much further. But even with being a bit discouraged, I'm happy with how slow it's going. It definitely makes it easy at work. Still haven't had to worry about coming out yet. I know I have changed a lot in the past 10 months. I am getting read more as female. I would say I get read female 30% of the time. That's better than nothing. I have such a hard time seeing the results though. And I hate hate hate how I look when my picture is taken so I still haven't taken any pictures of my progress. As for other physical changes, my boobs are sitting at just about a "B" cup. Getting harder to hide them. Hair growth is still sporadic. Sometimes I feel like I can go a day without shaving and others I feel like I need to shave twice a day. Weird. Other body hair has slowed in growing. I don't have to shave my chest as much or my arms.
The biggest change in my has been psychological. I am more comfortable being my "authentic self" (as my therapist puts it). I'm more talkative, outgoing, and happy. I have really broken out of my shell. It's scary but I like it.
I'm so glad I finally gathered the courage to transition. Can't wait to see what happens next month.
The biggest change in my has been psychological. I am more comfortable being my "authentic self" (as my therapist puts it). I'm more talkative, outgoing, and happy. I have really broken out of my shell. It's scary but I like it.
I'm so glad I finally gathered the courage to transition. Can't wait to see what happens next month.
Tuesday, October 8, 2013
30 Day Trans Challenge - Day 30
30) Write a haiku about being trans:
I was scared of this one. Not sure if I got it right or not but here goes:
The testosterone leaves the body
Estrogen swirls about
I am woman
I was scared of this one. Not sure if I got it right or not but here goes:
The testosterone leaves the body
Estrogen swirls about
I am woman
Monday, October 7, 2013
30 Day Trans Challenge - Day 27, 28, 29
27) What goals do you have?
My goals are to be comfortable in my body and be accepted for who I am. I am starting to get closer to both goals.
28) What is something you have to do everyday or else you feel like your whole day is off if you don't do it?
Hmmm.... I guess I would have to say right now it's wearing a bra everyday. If I don't wear one, I feel off and uncomfortable. Even in boy mode I still wear a bra. Not one that accents my breasts, but just supports them.
29) Write out something positive about yourself using the letters of your name. Ex. Your name is Bob so B-Beautiful O-Outstanding B-Boy.
I'm going to use my nickname as I am slowly getting people to use that instead of my given name.
Beautiful
Inteligent
Bohemian
Interesting
My goals are to be comfortable in my body and be accepted for who I am. I am starting to get closer to both goals.
28) What is something you have to do everyday or else you feel like your whole day is off if you don't do it?
Hmmm.... I guess I would have to say right now it's wearing a bra everyday. If I don't wear one, I feel off and uncomfortable. Even in boy mode I still wear a bra. Not one that accents my breasts, but just supports them.
29) Write out something positive about yourself using the letters of your name. Ex. Your name is Bob so B-Beautiful O-Outstanding B-Boy.
I'm going to use my nickname as I am slowly getting people to use that instead of my given name.
Beautiful
Inteligent
Bohemian
Interesting
Friday, October 4, 2013
30 Day Trans Challenge - Day 26
26) Do you feel comfortable answering questions about being trans if say your teacher/friend/stranger asked you?
I do feel comfortable answering questions about being trans from anyone. Especially from people I know. I feel that the more open and honest we are, the more informed they will become. I don't get offended with the questions. Many do not understand what we go through or what it truly means to be trans. I have an open invitation to a group of friends on Google+ to ask any question they want, no matter how personal. It has brought a lot of us closer. I even share with them progress updates, like breasts aching, mood swings, any body changes, etc. It's funny with the women, they sort of chuckle and say "Welcome to being a Woman." They have all been uber supportive. They offer advice from a woman's point of view. All have offered to go shopping with me whenever I'm ready. The more open I am and eager to answer questions, the more educated they are in what's going on. And if this understanding can spread, there will be less ignorance and their shared knowledge could lead to less discrimination in the world. People fear the unknown. That ignorance fuels their fear and they let that fear turn to hate. If we can remove that ignorance, that fuel, we can remove their fear, thus remove their hate. At least in a perfect world. But as we gain public understanding and support, I really think that we will be more accepted. Will there always be hate, unfortunately yes. But we can lessen those voices. Look how far we have come with marriage equality. More people support it than those that oppose it. Many have learned it is not a choice, but who they were from birth. And I hope the world will realize that transgender people did not chose to be transgender. Who would chose to go through what we all endure? Through knowledge and answering questions, they will learn this was not a choice, and maybe just maybe be treated as equals and not a lessor class. Now I'm not saying it is ok for a person to directly ask about genitals or other personal info without first asking permission. The people wanting to know, need to have manners and ask permission to ask a personal question and need to do so privately. But they need to be informed on the correct way to ask questions. So if they go direct without permission, just tell them how they asked was inappropriate. Tell them that they must ask permission to ask such questions. Just like anyone asks another person. Remind them that they don't randomly go up to woman and ask to see her genitals. With knowledge comes understanding and with understanding comes support.
I do feel comfortable answering questions about being trans from anyone. Especially from people I know. I feel that the more open and honest we are, the more informed they will become. I don't get offended with the questions. Many do not understand what we go through or what it truly means to be trans. I have an open invitation to a group of friends on Google+ to ask any question they want, no matter how personal. It has brought a lot of us closer. I even share with them progress updates, like breasts aching, mood swings, any body changes, etc. It's funny with the women, they sort of chuckle and say "Welcome to being a Woman." They have all been uber supportive. They offer advice from a woman's point of view. All have offered to go shopping with me whenever I'm ready. The more open I am and eager to answer questions, the more educated they are in what's going on. And if this understanding can spread, there will be less ignorance and their shared knowledge could lead to less discrimination in the world. People fear the unknown. That ignorance fuels their fear and they let that fear turn to hate. If we can remove that ignorance, that fuel, we can remove their fear, thus remove their hate. At least in a perfect world. But as we gain public understanding and support, I really think that we will be more accepted. Will there always be hate, unfortunately yes. But we can lessen those voices. Look how far we have come with marriage equality. More people support it than those that oppose it. Many have learned it is not a choice, but who they were from birth. And I hope the world will realize that transgender people did not chose to be transgender. Who would chose to go through what we all endure? Through knowledge and answering questions, they will learn this was not a choice, and maybe just maybe be treated as equals and not a lessor class. Now I'm not saying it is ok for a person to directly ask about genitals or other personal info without first asking permission. The people wanting to know, need to have manners and ask permission to ask a personal question and need to do so privately. But they need to be informed on the correct way to ask questions. So if they go direct without permission, just tell them how they asked was inappropriate. Tell them that they must ask permission to ask such questions. Just like anyone asks another person. Remind them that they don't randomly go up to woman and ask to see her genitals. With knowledge comes understanding and with understanding comes support.
Thursday, October 3, 2013
30 Day Trans Challenge - Day 25
25) Doctor visits?
Doctor visits started off scary. Especially when I started hormones. I was so afraid when they asked what meds I was on to mention estrogen and spiro. But I am becoming more comfortable telling doctors that I'm transgender and currently on hormones. The only doctor I haven't told and haven't visited since starting hormones is my cardiologist. I'm not sure how to tell her since she has treated me since the day I was born. And her echo technician is fairly discriminatory (which I have complained about). But I do need to see a cardiologist regularly so I guess I need to come out to her soon. Other than that I'm becoming a bit more confident coming out and being upfront.
Doctor visits started off scary. Especially when I started hormones. I was so afraid when they asked what meds I was on to mention estrogen and spiro. But I am becoming more comfortable telling doctors that I'm transgender and currently on hormones. The only doctor I haven't told and haven't visited since starting hormones is my cardiologist. I'm not sure how to tell her since she has treated me since the day I was born. And her echo technician is fairly discriminatory (which I have complained about). But I do need to see a cardiologist regularly so I guess I need to come out to her soon. Other than that I'm becoming a bit more confident coming out and being upfront.
Wednesday, October 2, 2013
30 Day Trans Challenge - Day 24
24) Who is your favorite LGBT actor/musician/director/artist etc and why?
I don't have just one favorite and for the why they are my favorite.... I just like everything about them. They are great in their craft and I enjoy watching / listening to them. In no particular order:
I don't have just one favorite and for the why they are my favorite.... I just like everything about them. They are great in their craft and I enjoy watching / listening to them. In no particular order:
- Ian McKellen
- Neil Patrick Harris
- Jim Parsons
- Freddie Mercury
- Nathan Lane
- George Takei
- John Barrowman
- Zachary Quinto
- Ellen DeGeneres
- Anne Heche
- Lana Wachowski
- Laverne Cox
- And many more. Just too many great LGBT actors/actresses/musicians/directors/artists etc.
Tuesday, October 1, 2013
30 Day Trans Challenge - Day 23
23) What stereotypes are put on trans people?
I've been thinking about this one and have been having a hard time getting my thoughts out correctly on this. So I found this on Yahoo answers that seems to get some of the stereotypes:
1) Almost everyone seems to believe that transsexuals are gay pre-transition. That is, if a man announces that he wants to become a woman and will be transitioning, everyone assumes that he is attracted to men (and same for women who do so). It used to be impossible for straight (pre-transition) people to get sex changes; Lou Sullivan (a gay transman) fought very hard to change that, and won. In reality, there are roughly equal numbers of gay transsexuals (those who are gay post-transition) and those who were gay but, after transitioning, lead heterosexual lives.
2) Nearly everyone, including some transsexuals, believe that you must adhere completely to gender binary stereotypes if you have a sex change. That is, if a man transitions to a woman, the new she is expected to be feminine to the nines; after all, what's the point of spending all that money unless you're going to really "be" a woman (or vice-versa, a man)? But the fact of the matter is that there are trans individuals who encompass a wide gender range; not too long ago, I remember reading a blog or some-other by a transsexual woman who was agonizing over the flak she got for being a butch woman, since everyone assumes if you're chopping off your penis, you should "look like a woman, too" (whatever that means; women come in all shapes and sizes).
3) A lot of people seem to think that female-to-male transsexuals are "trying to get 'male privilege'" by transitioning. They are accused of 'taking the easy way out' and becoming men rather than challenging our gendered world and making it possible for women to have more power. I've heard people say that they are anti-feminist for this, and a lot of them get generally spat upon by people who see them as betraying their sex. In reality, of course, nobody is doing that at all; the brand of being a transsexual (not to mention the massive cost, both monetarily and physically, pyschologically, and emotionally) is far worse than being a woman in today's society.
4) Similarly to #3, people seem to think that transsexuals aren't allowing themselves to be who they are. They seem to think that they are perpetuating the gender binary by wanting to transition their sex. For example, someone might think that a transwoman is a disgrace to the genderqueer cause, because rather than stay in a male body and help people understand that feminine males are possible, she cowardly switched over to look like a 'natural woman' so that she wouldn't get any flak for being different. This is, of course, completely untrue- there is lots of research out there showing that there are possible brain differences in transsexuals, and moreover, your sex/gender has more to do than with just how others treat you; it's also about how you feel in your body (and you'd be surprised at how much a difference male and female hormones can make someone feel; read a transsexual memoir and you'll understand).
5) People assume that it's a choice, and not an actual disease (gender dysphoria), or if they think it's a disease, it's in a "they're sick" way, versus having an actual clinical, perfectly normal condition. Moreover, lots of lay people seem to think that the way to deal with this is not to change the body, but, since there is a mind-body discord, to change the mind instead. Of course, in reality, there is no (proven) way to change the sex of someone's mind; our brains are immensely complex, full of interactions between genetics, biology, personality, past experiences, formative childhoods, our feelings, our fears . . . the list goes on. You can't just go in there and say "Here, you're a man."; therapy is not going to work like that.
6) People seem to think that transsexuals just decide on a whim to do what they want; few know that they have to go through tons of gender therapy to get permission to get hormones and to have surgery OK'd, and have to live as that gender for a year or longer. It's rigorous, and the people who transition are dedicated.
7) That their bodies don't function correctly. I don't know how many questions I've answered on here from people wanting to know if transsexuals can orgasm. If surgery is done right, with a skilled professional, then transsexuals of both sexes can have ultimately wonderful, fulfilling sex lives and do so.
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20070212220254AAAidK9
I've been thinking about this one and have been having a hard time getting my thoughts out correctly on this. So I found this on Yahoo answers that seems to get some of the stereotypes:
1) Almost everyone seems to believe that transsexuals are gay pre-transition. That is, if a man announces that he wants to become a woman and will be transitioning, everyone assumes that he is attracted to men (and same for women who do so). It used to be impossible for straight (pre-transition) people to get sex changes; Lou Sullivan (a gay transman) fought very hard to change that, and won. In reality, there are roughly equal numbers of gay transsexuals (those who are gay post-transition) and those who were gay but, after transitioning, lead heterosexual lives.
2) Nearly everyone, including some transsexuals, believe that you must adhere completely to gender binary stereotypes if you have a sex change. That is, if a man transitions to a woman, the new she is expected to be feminine to the nines; after all, what's the point of spending all that money unless you're going to really "be" a woman (or vice-versa, a man)? But the fact of the matter is that there are trans individuals who encompass a wide gender range; not too long ago, I remember reading a blog or some-other by a transsexual woman who was agonizing over the flak she got for being a butch woman, since everyone assumes if you're chopping off your penis, you should "look like a woman, too" (whatever that means; women come in all shapes and sizes).
3) A lot of people seem to think that female-to-male transsexuals are "trying to get 'male privilege'" by transitioning. They are accused of 'taking the easy way out' and becoming men rather than challenging our gendered world and making it possible for women to have more power. I've heard people say that they are anti-feminist for this, and a lot of them get generally spat upon by people who see them as betraying their sex. In reality, of course, nobody is doing that at all; the brand of being a transsexual (not to mention the massive cost, both monetarily and physically, pyschologically, and emotionally) is far worse than being a woman in today's society.
4) Similarly to #3, people seem to think that transsexuals aren't allowing themselves to be who they are. They seem to think that they are perpetuating the gender binary by wanting to transition their sex. For example, someone might think that a transwoman is a disgrace to the genderqueer cause, because rather than stay in a male body and help people understand that feminine males are possible, she cowardly switched over to look like a 'natural woman' so that she wouldn't get any flak for being different. This is, of course, completely untrue- there is lots of research out there showing that there are possible brain differences in transsexuals, and moreover, your sex/gender has more to do than with just how others treat you; it's also about how you feel in your body (and you'd be surprised at how much a difference male and female hormones can make someone feel; read a transsexual memoir and you'll understand).
5) People assume that it's a choice, and not an actual disease (gender dysphoria), or if they think it's a disease, it's in a "they're sick" way, versus having an actual clinical, perfectly normal condition. Moreover, lots of lay people seem to think that the way to deal with this is not to change the body, but, since there is a mind-body discord, to change the mind instead. Of course, in reality, there is no (proven) way to change the sex of someone's mind; our brains are immensely complex, full of interactions between genetics, biology, personality, past experiences, formative childhoods, our feelings, our fears . . . the list goes on. You can't just go in there and say "Here, you're a man."; therapy is not going to work like that.
6) People seem to think that transsexuals just decide on a whim to do what they want; few know that they have to go through tons of gender therapy to get permission to get hormones and to have surgery OK'd, and have to live as that gender for a year or longer. It's rigorous, and the people who transition are dedicated.
7) That their bodies don't function correctly. I don't know how many questions I've answered on here from people wanting to know if transsexuals can orgasm. If surgery is done right, with a skilled professional, then transsexuals of both sexes can have ultimately wonderful, fulfilling sex lives and do so.
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20070212220254AAAidK9
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