Quick Update

Here's just a quick update on what's been going on:

I have been on Spiro for 3 weeks now and estrogen for about 2 weeks.  My wife and I have definitely noticed a change in my behavior.  I'm not as apprehensive as I was.  I'm I bit more relaxed.   With that I have been trying to quit smoking.  So far so good.  I have been on a nicotine patch for almost 2 weeks.  And surprisingly haven't cheated.  That is huge for me as I usually cheat when on the patch.  As for other changes, I think I'm noticing some subtle changes in my face.  Also when I shave with a straight razor, my beard doesn't grow back as quick as it used to.  Also I think I'm noticing my butt getting a little bit more shapely.  It all could be in my head with wishful thinking, but who knows those changes could be happening.  That's all for now.  I really gotta get my wife to start taking pics of me once a week so I can have a photo diary of my progress.

Interesting Change

So I have only been on Spiro for a week and Estrogen for 3 1/2 days, but I am starting to feel a calm come over me.  For the past few days I have started to notice it.  It was also causing me to have a little internal struggle.  My mind and my body seemed to be arguing over whether or not I wanted a cigarette.  I have been a smoker since I was 18.  I have quit once before for about a year, but started again.  I have attempted to quit many times, each time resulting in me smoking more.  My endocrinologist wanted me to quit smoking as it can cause issues with my body more so now that I am on Estrogen.  So I knew I had to start thinking about quitting and I was gonna maybe start after a month on hormones.  But it seemed like in the past few days when my body really wanted nicotine, my mind was like no you don't want one.  And when my mind was stressed and wanted the nicotine, my body was like no you don't want one.  Last night I had a cigarette at 5:45pm and only smoked about a quarter of it and I didn't want the rest.  I haven't had a cigarette at all since then.  So it's been about 16 hrs.  Normally I can't go 2 hrs without foaming at the mouth for one.  I really hope I can keep this up.  I hope I can brake the habit.  I may cheat or I may not.  I may succeed or just have to keep trying.  But I think my body and mind are now on the same page and ready for me to quit. I hope so.

And It Begins

As of last night, I am now on hormones. Yay!!!  It took like what seemed forever.  Nothing like being so close and having issues with the pharmacy, which finally got resolved yesterday.

So on January 4th, I had my first appointment with the Endocrinologist.  The following Tuesday she was supposed to call me with my lab results and send in the prescription for Spiro and Estrogen patches.  She ended up being out on Tuesday with the flu.  On Wednesday she called saying my results were great and she was sending in my prescriptions to Walgreens so I wouldn't have to wait for the mail order which my insurance prefers.  Wednesday night after work I go to Walgreens and they only could fill 10 out of the 60 pills of the Spiro and had to order the rest and order the Estrogen patches.  On Thursday night, they still hadn't gotten in the rest of the Spiro and now needed verification from my doctor on the brand of Estrogen.  Wouldn't they have questioned the brand before they needed to order it??? On Friday morning I called Walgreens to see if they got verification, they had not, so I called my doctors to have them verify with Walgreens.  On Friday afternoon at 1:30pm I called Walgreens and asked if everything was all set with the Estrogen prescription, they told me yes.  Friday night after work I go to pick it up and the rest of the Spiro and they only had the Spiro ready.  They told me they now need verification on dosage from my doctor.  AYFKM??? Why at 1:30pm I was told everything was all set and now at 6pm I am told they need more verification?? After my doctors is closed for the weekend.  Monday morning I called my doctors office and after a few phone tags, finally spoke with someone to call Walgreens to get this taken care of.  At 3:30pm I got confirmation from my doctor's office that it should be all set.  So I immediately call Walgreens to verify.  The first person I spoke with told me they are still waiting on verification and I told them I just spoke with my doctor's office and they verified everything with the pharmacist.  They put me on the phone with the pharmacist and everything was all set.  At 6pm last night I picked up the Estrogen patches.  As soon as I got home I put my first one on.  Finally.

I never thought I would get to this point.  I am amazed at how far I have come.  For 33 years always kind of knowing, but resisting.  To last year finally being honest with myself, coming out to my family and friends, going to therapy, and now finally being on hormones.  What a journey.  And it ain't over yet.  Can't wait to see what will happen this year and going forward.

Now that I am on hormones, I plan on taking photos of me each week to chronicle my changes.  I know there will be few to start with, but I know watching other people's transition photos really gave me hope and I hope to pass on that hope.

Update and the Next Step

I know I haven't posted in a long while.  Things have been crazy with the end of the year and the start of a new one.  I can't believe another year is over and a lot has happened in the past year.  Most recently my wife, my in-laws and me went on a Disney vacation over Christmas.  We did two days at Disney World, then 5 nights on a Disney Cruise, then 2 more days at Disney World.  It was a lot of fun.  We had a very good time, especially if you look at what we spent.  :)  Being at Disney (or away from home) I felt more comfortable to being me.  I wore more woman's clothes than men's.  No one looked at me weird, at least that I noticed.  I bought some more woman's clothes, 3 t-shirts, a really cute hat, and on the cruise I bought this really cute dress (I can't wait to wear it).  One thing my wife and I noticed is that we are the same size again.  So we can share the clothes I bought.  Yay!!!  A nice thing about the cruise is we had a veranda.  Some nice privacy.  So when we didn't get off the ship at port we could hang out on the veranda in peace.  I spent a lot of the time getting used to wearing my bikini.  By the end of the cruise I was finally feeling comfortable wearing it.

Now for the next step.  This past Friday I had my first appointment with an endocrinologist.  I was nervous and excited all at the same time.  I feared I wouldn't be able to start hormones when I wanted to.  But the appointment went great.  They first did the normal stuff of getting medical history, blood pressure, and weight (apparently I gained 13 lbs since the trip :(  Damn Disney and their good food).  After that the doctor came in.  She was very nice.  She asked me what my preferred name was and pronouns.  Then she went through what she was gonna start me on and how each reacts.  Most I knew from my extensive research before hand.  She told me she needed to do a blood test to check my kidneys and liver.  If the blood test looks good then she will call me on Tuesday to call in my prescriptions.  I will be on an estrogen patch and spiro (a testosterone blocker).  She is planning to have me keep a little testosterone in my system so I still have a libido   Which makes my wife happy (me too).  So if all goes well I will start hormones tomorrow night.  Yay!!!  Amazing how far I have gone in just a year.

Now I need to start thinking of if or when to tell my work.  I'm not sure.  Luckily I live in CT where there are anti-discrimination laws that prevent my work from firing me for being Transgender.  But I am still fear full.  I may give it a bit and see how much the hormones change me before saying anything.

This is going to be an interesting year.  I look forward to it.