Through the Looking Glass

For as long as I can remember I have been fascinated with "Alice in Wonderland".  I used to love watching Disney's animated feature of "Alice in Wonderland".  I remember getting so excited in 1985 when there was a live action TV special of "Alice in Wonderland".  We recorded it and I would watch it over and over again.  Except for the part with the Jabberwocky.  The Jabberwocky really scared me.  To be honest the Jabberwocky still scares me.  I remember when I was around 13 years old, I started having a recurring nightmare about the Jabberwocky chasing me all around my grandmother's house.  (Interestingly, that is the age I started wishing I was a girl.  hrmmmm).  I'm not sure what about "Alice in Wonderland" hooked me.  Maybe it was the idea of escape to a wondrous land.  Or the colorful characters.  My favorite character was the Mad Hatter, but I had always wanted to be Alice.  I wanted to be the one having the adventure.  By the time I went to college, "Alice in Wonderland" faded into my past and the nightmares stopped.  It wasn't until Disney released it's latest telling of "Alice in Wonderland" did my obsession start again.  Not sure if obsession is the right word, oh well.  After it's release it seemed like there was an "Alice in Wonderland" frenzy.  The Syfy channel came out with their own interpretation movie and their series Warehouse 13 did an episode relating to Through the Looking Glass.  Jefferson's Airplane "White Rabbit" song became my new favorite song.  I downloaded a copy of the 1985 "Alice in Wonderland" movie, plus a couple others that I had not seen but had to download.  Since then I have had Alice on the brain.  I feel such a connection with it and the characters.  I began referring to my old drug days as "falling down the rabbit hole".  Part of me wonders if my infatuation with "Alice in Wonderland" has a connection with my desire to transition.  Maybe as I am slowly becoming more accepting of myself and the more I transition it is like I am stepping through the looking glass to a new life and the nightmares of the Jabberwocky is the fear that is chasing me.  Hmmm.  Maybe, maybe not.  I don't know.  Two years for Halloween I dressed up as the Mad Hatter and my wife dressed up like Alice.  I have started thinking about this years Halloween.  If I dress as the Mad Hatter I want to dress as a female Mad Hatter.  Or maybe be the Red Queen and my wife can still be Alice.  She makes such a good Alice.