For a very long, long time I have looked at a lot of pictures of women. I have always been drawn to the female body. Naked or not. Over the years I have saved probably over thousands of pictures. I see a picture of a beautiful woman and I have to save it. Why? I'm not sure.
At first I was just a normal teenage boy with raging hormones. But as I got older it became more of wow, I wish I had her body. I would see different features of a woman's body and wish I had that feature, whether it be the shape of her butt or hips or breasts, etc. I started taking some of the pictures I have saved and put them on my phone to run a slideshow as I'm driving. I can't stop wanting to look at pictures of women. It has at times triggered depression because I know I will never look like them. I will never have their bodies.
However, as I become more accepting of myself, I have started looking at more transgender women pictures. At this time I have no intentions to get bottom surgery. So I started looking to see if I could be ok with being a woman, but having a penis. The more I look, the more comfortable I am with that. I still look at cis women pictures though. Still there is very little sexual need when I look at the pictures, it is more of looking at the women and wishing I had their body.
Is it wrong for me to do this? Am I addicted to pictures of women? Am I obsessed? Do I purposely trigger my dysphoria? I don't know. It is comforting to know that other transgender women do this. Many women I follow, post pictures of beautiful women they wish they could be. It is good to not feel alone.
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