The Breakdown

I'm slowly coming out of my weekend breakdown.  My birthday has always been very emotional for me.  This one was extra emotional.  This birthday marked 30 years since my grandfather passed away.  One would think over the years it would get easier.  But it hasn't.  It was my fourth birthday when my grandfather passed away.  I had only known him for 4 years.  But I still miss him.  So with this year being 30 years, with the stress of the unknown of the future with me transitioning, financial stress, and my over sensitivity to hormones (ie my wife starts her period so I end up feeding off the emitted hormones) it was a perfect storm for a breakdown.   I am slowly realizing that I can't go backwards.  I have come so far in the past eight months.  And people are right, I wouldn't be able to handle going back to the way things were.  I'd just might die inside.  So I am going to push on.  I need to push on. Besides, today is the second day of dressing all male and I just don't feel right.  I feel naked without a bra.  My male underwear is very uncomfortable.  My feet hurt from my male shoes.  And I hate how loose men's pants are.  So tomorrow I go back to dressing the way I feel comfortable.  So silly of me to think I could go back.  Thank you to my wife, my friends, and my followers for supporting me through this.