Showing posts with label Society. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Society. Show all posts
Thursday, November 29, 2012
Friday, November 2, 2012
Facebook Status
Below is a post from a good friend of mine… it was too well written not to share:
Recently, a friend implied that who he voted for in this election doesn’t matter, and if I want to see real change I should “get off the couch and start effecting the change you claim to want.” Because the politicians don’t matter, it’s all about the people.
How dare you. How dare you sit there and tell me to get off my couch and effect the change I claim to want. How dare you even assume that I am not. The idea that any out and open gay man is not fighting for change is ridiculous, and show’s how little you know of me.
Let’s first talk about the changes I want. I would like the same rights that you have as a straight man. Namely, I would like to be able to marry my husband, in whatever state I please. I would like the tax incentives that come from that. I would like to be on insurance together and not have to file it as “taxable income” I would like to be able to visit him in the hospital if he were sick and not fear that some bigot might not let me in as I am not a “relative.” I would like for our future children to be able to legally have us both as their father. I would like to not have to face having queer or faggot written on my door at work. I would like to not wake up every day, every day, and read in the news how some public figure has called people like me an abomination, or less then, or compared us to pedophiles, or that God hates me, or that I am the downfall of society. I would like to not read in the paper how all of this is too much for some of our teenagers to take and decide that life isn’t worth living and kill themselves. I would not like to have to fight every damn day of my life, solely for being who I am. None of these are things a straight white man have had to ever fight for or even think about.
But I do. Every day. I fight. I have been at the NH State House for hearings on Marriage Equality. I have worked tirelessly on diversity panels, committees, and groups that have worked to educated fellow faculty, staff, and students at the universities I have worked at. I have served on regional committees that have presented conferences on GLBT rights throughout New England. I have spoken to lecture halls full of students that I don’t even know about what it’s like to “come out” and to be a gay man. I have counseled GLBT students and teenagers when they haven’t known what to do after their parents have kicked them out or someone has called them something unimaginable. I teach a class on perspective and gaining a world view, seeing more than your own life experiences. I have engaged perfect strangers on using terms such as “that’s so gay” or “faggott.” I have tried to educate my friends and family on the candidates and what they stand for and what would happen to me and my rights if certain ones are elected. I have come into the place where I worked to have Faggot spray painted across my door, and have kept going. I have gone to a job where students have spit in my face and called me a faggot, and have had to go back and have an “educational moment” with them. I have woken up on days where even I have become depressed about the amount of hate and anger their is towards people like me in the news, but I have kept going. So yes, I have fought, and I will continue to fight.
It’s true, politics are only one piece of the puzzle. By voting for Obama will everything magically change over night? No, of course not. However, by voting for Romney and Ryan, we are putting two people in charge of this country that support the belief that I am less than. That want to actively work to take away my rights and make me fight even harder. That will be an example to people in this country and around the world that it’s ok to treat gays or women as less, because the President doesn’t like gay people so why should we.
This election is so much more than just economics, healthcare, immigration, or military spending for me. Those are all important issues, but my rights as a person, my freedom to live as who I am are so much more important than any of that. This election is about electing someone who can be an example for our country. To show that we need to treat everyone equally, like our fore-fathers stated. That no matter who I love, it’s ok and it doesn’t matter what you think your religion says about that, because it’s your religion, not mine. I want my President to be an example to our country, just as I want to be an example to my friends, family, students, and community. I want my President to fight for me and my rights, just like I am fighting for myself and my rights.
No matter what though, I will continue to fight, because I have no choice. Living as an out gay man in this country you have to fight. There is no sitting on the couch and letting it happen. You fight every damned day whether you want to or not. That is why I am voting for Obama. That is why I hope that my friends, family, and those important to me are voting for Obama. That is why it hurts so damned much when people I love and respect share their support for Romney. Because it’s not just a vote for his small government or his military spending. It’s a vote that says your paycheck is more important than me as a person. It’s a vote that says I am less than you, and that we are not equal. It’s a vote that says I need to fight harder.
How dare you. How dare you sit there and tell me to get off my couch and effect the change I claim to want. How dare you even assume that I am not. The idea that any out and open gay man is not fighting for change is ridiculous, and show’s how little you know of me.
Let’s first talk about the changes I want. I would like the same rights that you have as a straight man. Namely, I would like to be able to marry my husband, in whatever state I please. I would like the tax incentives that come from that. I would like to be on insurance together and not have to file it as “taxable income” I would like to be able to visit him in the hospital if he were sick and not fear that some bigot might not let me in as I am not a “relative.” I would like for our future children to be able to legally have us both as their father. I would like to not have to face having queer or faggot written on my door at work. I would like to not wake up every day, every day, and read in the news how some public figure has called people like me an abomination, or less then, or compared us to pedophiles, or that God hates me, or that I am the downfall of society. I would like to not read in the paper how all of this is too much for some of our teenagers to take and decide that life isn’t worth living and kill themselves. I would not like to have to fight every damn day of my life, solely for being who I am. None of these are things a straight white man have had to ever fight for or even think about.
But I do. Every day. I fight. I have been at the NH State House for hearings on Marriage Equality. I have worked tirelessly on diversity panels, committees, and groups that have worked to educated fellow faculty, staff, and students at the universities I have worked at. I have served on regional committees that have presented conferences on GLBT rights throughout New England. I have spoken to lecture halls full of students that I don’t even know about what it’s like to “come out” and to be a gay man. I have counseled GLBT students and teenagers when they haven’t known what to do after their parents have kicked them out or someone has called them something unimaginable. I teach a class on perspective and gaining a world view, seeing more than your own life experiences. I have engaged perfect strangers on using terms such as “that’s so gay” or “faggott.” I have tried to educate my friends and family on the candidates and what they stand for and what would happen to me and my rights if certain ones are elected. I have come into the place where I worked to have Faggot spray painted across my door, and have kept going. I have gone to a job where students have spit in my face and called me a faggot, and have had to go back and have an “educational moment” with them. I have woken up on days where even I have become depressed about the amount of hate and anger their is towards people like me in the news, but I have kept going. So yes, I have fought, and I will continue to fight.
It’s true, politics are only one piece of the puzzle. By voting for Obama will everything magically change over night? No, of course not. However, by voting for Romney and Ryan, we are putting two people in charge of this country that support the belief that I am less than. That want to actively work to take away my rights and make me fight even harder. That will be an example to people in this country and around the world that it’s ok to treat gays or women as less, because the President doesn’t like gay people so why should we.
This election is so much more than just economics, healthcare, immigration, or military spending for me. Those are all important issues, but my rights as a person, my freedom to live as who I am are so much more important than any of that. This election is about electing someone who can be an example for our country. To show that we need to treat everyone equally, like our fore-fathers stated. That no matter who I love, it’s ok and it doesn’t matter what you think your religion says about that, because it’s your religion, not mine. I want my President to be an example to our country, just as I want to be an example to my friends, family, students, and community. I want my President to fight for me and my rights, just like I am fighting for myself and my rights.
No matter what though, I will continue to fight, because I have no choice. Living as an out gay man in this country you have to fight. There is no sitting on the couch and letting it happen. You fight every damned day whether you want to or not. That is why I am voting for Obama. That is why I hope that my friends, family, and those important to me are voting for Obama. That is why it hurts so damned much when people I love and respect share their support for Romney. Because it’s not just a vote for his small government or his military spending. It’s a vote that says your paycheck is more important than me as a person. It’s a vote that says I am less than you, and that we are not equal. It’s a vote that says I need to fight harder.
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
Social Media: Blessing or Curse
Recently I began to ponder Social Media. We as a society are plugged in and tuned in. Are social media sites a blessing or a curse? Are we better off as a society using them? In my opinion it's both and yes & no.
Facebook gave us a way to connect with friends and family. It has given us a way to share stories and photos with each other. But it has given rise to a platform of preaching and the festering of hate. People argue over political views, religious views, human rights views, etc. It has opened our eyes to sides of people we would have never seen. From a simple posting of an article could destroy a friendship. A posting of a picture could ruin a person's career or personal life. Things that were once so private are set out for the world to see.
Tumblr has given us a way to share photos, our deepest thoughts, our interests with the world. No matter what you post can be searched by virtually anyone. It's a way to have anonymity but get your voice out there. The down side again is it has given rise to a platform of preaching and the festering of hate. If you don't want to follow someone, don't. If you don't agree with their views or content, don't follow them. But some people are out to fester hate. Messages can be sent anonymously. Hate mail can be received. While so many are trying to create a community of like minded people, others deem it is their duty to tear it apart.
Google + is still in it's infancy. But it has some of the same characteristics of Facebook. The main plus about it is that not many people are on it. It has a higher control of who can see what posts. As me and my friends call it... it is a safe place. At least for now.
I wish people could use these sites with better judgement. I wish people would accept everyone for having their own view points and not spread hate when they do not agree. I wish people would understand that no one is perfect, so they need not judge people for their imperfections as they are not perfect.
Facebook gave us a way to connect with friends and family. It has given us a way to share stories and photos with each other. But it has given rise to a platform of preaching and the festering of hate. People argue over political views, religious views, human rights views, etc. It has opened our eyes to sides of people we would have never seen. From a simple posting of an article could destroy a friendship. A posting of a picture could ruin a person's career or personal life. Things that were once so private are set out for the world to see.
Tumblr has given us a way to share photos, our deepest thoughts, our interests with the world. No matter what you post can be searched by virtually anyone. It's a way to have anonymity but get your voice out there. The down side again is it has given rise to a platform of preaching and the festering of hate. If you don't want to follow someone, don't. If you don't agree with their views or content, don't follow them. But some people are out to fester hate. Messages can be sent anonymously. Hate mail can be received. While so many are trying to create a community of like minded people, others deem it is their duty to tear it apart.
Google + is still in it's infancy. But it has some of the same characteristics of Facebook. The main plus about it is that not many people are on it. It has a higher control of who can see what posts. As me and my friends call it... it is a safe place. At least for now.
I wish people could use these sites with better judgement. I wish people would accept everyone for having their own view points and not spread hate when they do not agree. I wish people would understand that no one is perfect, so they need not judge people for their imperfections as they are not perfect.
Monday, September 10, 2012
Overreacting
I have this tendency to overreact to things. If I can't handle something, I overreact and pull a 180. I don't know why I do it. A coping mechanism maybe. This weekend I overreacted. I have been feeling that my wife wasn't as supportive as I had thought she was. I thought if I continued the journey of transition our marriage would end. I thought I would be willing to give up transitioning to keep my marriage. I had spent a lot of time thinking about it. Any time I brought up the subject of transitioning I thought I saw my wife cringe, like I was stabbing her in the heart.
On Saturday, I told my wife I was just going to stop transitioning. I kept saying it was the best for us. I went as far as messaging my therapist and telling her I was no longer going to transition. I was overreacting to the point where I was ready to throw away my girl clothes, cut my hair and let my body hair grow back. Even maybe grow my goatee back. I thought I was fine with that. Give up everything for our marriage. But I was being eaten up inside. I felt a part of me dying.
Sunday evening I talked with my wife again. It took a while to get up the nerve. I told her I didn't want to stop. I couldn't stop. But I didn't want to add this stress onto her. I didn't want her to continue to have panic attacks. As we talked, the biggest stress to her about my transitioning was the constant red alert feeling if I went out as a woman. The world is cruel. She felt the need to always have to protect me. And even if things weren't so bad if I went out as a girl, she still had to deal with my emotions if someone looked at me funny. It is one thing for friends to be supportive, but they don't live me with to deal with my emotions. The full fall out of my emotions if someone said or did the wrong thing to me if I was out as a girl. To be honest, when I dress and put makeup on, I do look like a guy in a dress with makeup on.
Last night we came up with a solution. A way for me to keep transitioning and her not to be on edge feeling like she constantly had to protect me. I would still dress at home. I would still dress when we are at a friends house. But I would not go out in public as a girl. If I want to be dressed as a girl at a friends house, then I would bring the stuff with me and change when we get there and change before we leave. This way there is no worry of what happens from our house to a friends house. We will also continue with the plan of me starting HRT after we have a baby. I would stay in "guy mode" for as long as possible. In an earlier post I had wanted to be a girl 80% of the time and a guy 20% of the time. We have now switched that. I will be a girl 20% of the time and a guy 80% of the time. At some point with the HRT, the effects (hopefully) will make it so I am passable as a woman, and then there will be no need to worry about going out in public as a woman. This will also then reduce the fear we both have.
I am happy with the plan we came up with. I was actually able to sleep last night without the worry and stress. I'll try not to overreact in the future. No promises though ;P
On Saturday, I told my wife I was just going to stop transitioning. I kept saying it was the best for us. I went as far as messaging my therapist and telling her I was no longer going to transition. I was overreacting to the point where I was ready to throw away my girl clothes, cut my hair and let my body hair grow back. Even maybe grow my goatee back. I thought I was fine with that. Give up everything for our marriage. But I was being eaten up inside. I felt a part of me dying.
Sunday evening I talked with my wife again. It took a while to get up the nerve. I told her I didn't want to stop. I couldn't stop. But I didn't want to add this stress onto her. I didn't want her to continue to have panic attacks. As we talked, the biggest stress to her about my transitioning was the constant red alert feeling if I went out as a woman. The world is cruel. She felt the need to always have to protect me. And even if things weren't so bad if I went out as a girl, she still had to deal with my emotions if someone looked at me funny. It is one thing for friends to be supportive, but they don't live me with to deal with my emotions. The full fall out of my emotions if someone said or did the wrong thing to me if I was out as a girl. To be honest, when I dress and put makeup on, I do look like a guy in a dress with makeup on.
Last night we came up with a solution. A way for me to keep transitioning and her not to be on edge feeling like she constantly had to protect me. I would still dress at home. I would still dress when we are at a friends house. But I would not go out in public as a girl. If I want to be dressed as a girl at a friends house, then I would bring the stuff with me and change when we get there and change before we leave. This way there is no worry of what happens from our house to a friends house. We will also continue with the plan of me starting HRT after we have a baby. I would stay in "guy mode" for as long as possible. In an earlier post I had wanted to be a girl 80% of the time and a guy 20% of the time. We have now switched that. I will be a girl 20% of the time and a guy 80% of the time. At some point with the HRT, the effects (hopefully) will make it so I am passable as a woman, and then there will be no need to worry about going out in public as a woman. This will also then reduce the fear we both have.
I am happy with the plan we came up with. I was actually able to sleep last night without the worry and stress. I'll try not to overreact in the future. No promises though ;P
Friday, August 24, 2012
Discrimination (Link)
A friend of mine’s friend was denied being bone marrow donor due to being gay. Discrimination needs to stop.
https://m.facebook.com/1347543534/timeline/story?ut=2&hash=-7037651820354336187&wstart=1343804400&wend=1346482799&ustart&_rdr
http://www.change.org/petitions/the-food-and-drug-administration-fda-of-the-united-states-remove-the-ban-against-msm-blood-and-marrow-donations?utm_campaign=share_button_mobile&utm_medium=facebook&utm_source=share_petition&utm_term=27098131
https://m.facebook.com/1347543534/timeline/story?ut=2&hash=-7037651820354336187&wstart=1343804400&wend=1346482799&ustart&_rdr
http://www.change.org/petitions/the-food-and-drug-administration-fda-of-the-united-states-remove-the-ban-against-msm-blood-and-marrow-donations?utm_campaign=share_button_mobile&utm_medium=facebook&utm_source=share_petition&utm_term=27098131
A Birthday Wish
I have been thinking a lot about my birthday tomorrow. I usually wish for the same thing every year. Which is unrealistic. This year, I think my birthday wish will be different. I just want the courage to be me. To not be afraid of who I am. To not care what others think of me. I want the confidence to wear whatever I want. The confidence to go out as my female true self. I would love to be able to present as female without any hesitation or fear. To be the woman I know I am. At this point in my life it is a pretty hefty wish. It seems as unrealistic as my usual birthday wish. Maybe in a year or so my new wish can become a reality.
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
Monday, August 20, 2012
First Signs of Hate
On Sunday we ordered pizza from Pizza Hut. I went to go pick it up. Not wanting to change to head out, I was wearing my teal tank top, woman shorts, and flip flops that showed off my painted toes. As I pulled in the parking lot, I noticed a group of young guys just hanging out outside of the Pizza Hut. As I pulled into a parking spot, I started to get a bad feeling and started getting really nervous. I got the nerve to get out of the car, but the bad feeling was correct. For the first time I was harassed for what I was wearing. I tried to ignore them as I walked passed them into Pizza Hut. They were saying stuff like "Fag" and "Gay". I was so nervous I couldn't make out all they were saying. Why did they have to do that? I didn't do anything to them. This is the first time I have been harassed for what I've been wearing. Luckily they were gone as I was leaving Pizza Hut. It put me in a slight funk the rest of the evening. Ugh.
Monday, August 13, 2012
Friday, August 10, 2012
Tuesday, August 7, 2012
So Much Hate... Why?
It seems no matter where you turn there is hate towards the LGBT community. Why? Since I embraced myself as transgender, I am becoming more and more aware of all the hate. With Chick-fil-a, with the debates over same-sex marriage so much hate. The people I follow on Tumblr post their asks on their blog and many anonymous people say such hateful things. Again I ask why? What is so wrong with being a lesbian, gay, bisexual, or transgender that people hate us so much. We do not hurt anyone. We just want to lead normal lives without being hated.
Yesterday I read an article about parents of transgender children. It talked about the fears they had. They had to hide the fact that their kids were transgender. They tried to go "stealth". But when it was discovered that their girls were born boys or their boys were born girls, they ended up having to move to get away from the bullying and hate. Why as a society can we not accept everyone for who they are? I remember the first article I read about a transgender individual. It was about Cece. Who is now in jail for killing her attacker in self defense. She was beaten and could have been killed, but faced her attacker in a kill or be killed situation. Fearing for her life she ended up killing her attacker. Now she is in jail. Why? It was self defense. But the bigger question is why did those people hate her so much to want to kill her? Why is there so much violence against the LGBT community?
This past weekend my wife and I watched a documentary on HBO about Vito Russo. "Vito was one of the pivotal players in many of these gay rights organizations during their formative years. He was an early member of GAA (Gay Activists Alliance), whose goal was to secure basic human rights, dignity and freedom for all gay people. He was one of the co-founders of GLAAD (Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation), which was formed to ensure that media representation of gays and lesbians was accurate. Towards the end of his life, he was one of the founders of ACT UP (AIDS Coalition to Unleash Power), a guerilla activist group whose goal was to bring legislation, medical research, treatment and policies to ultimately eradicate the AIDS epidemic." This was a very informative documentary. What was very interesting was the part about his project "The Celluloid Closet." In his project he documented homosexuals in film from it's beginning. It showed how there has always been homosexuals in film. In the early years the characters were shown as normal people. There was nothing wrong with a man kissing another man, a woman kissing another woman, two men dancing together, men in woman's clothes, woman in men's clothes, etc. Then, I think in the 40's (I maybe wrong on the decade) there was an act that prohibited any homosexual acts or characters in film. Around the 60's the ban was beginning to lift, but the homosexual characters were then shown as evil or bad people. They were being shown in a very negative light. It continued on that way until around the early 80's. But with 20 some odd years of anything homosexual being shown as bad, the damage had been done.
As much as I don't like to admit it, our society is shaped by what we see on TV, in the movies, and hear in music. With such homophobia being ingrained in our minds, I started to see why there is so much hate. Society was brain washed into thinking anything homosexual was bad, evil or wrong. Now this also sheds some light on the reason why the younger generations in today's society are more accepting. With media portraying homosexuals in a better light as normal characters with nothing wrong with it and social icons such as Ellen Degeneres coming out as gay and Chaz Bono coming out as a transgender man, the younger generations are more accepting. This gives me hope that one day the old homophobia will die out and be replaced with an accepting society. It may take a few generations, but there is hope.
Yesterday I read an article about parents of transgender children. It talked about the fears they had. They had to hide the fact that their kids were transgender. They tried to go "stealth". But when it was discovered that their girls were born boys or their boys were born girls, they ended up having to move to get away from the bullying and hate. Why as a society can we not accept everyone for who they are? I remember the first article I read about a transgender individual. It was about Cece. Who is now in jail for killing her attacker in self defense. She was beaten and could have been killed, but faced her attacker in a kill or be killed situation. Fearing for her life she ended up killing her attacker. Now she is in jail. Why? It was self defense. But the bigger question is why did those people hate her so much to want to kill her? Why is there so much violence against the LGBT community?
This past weekend my wife and I watched a documentary on HBO about Vito Russo. "Vito was one of the pivotal players in many of these gay rights organizations during their formative years. He was an early member of GAA (Gay Activists Alliance), whose goal was to secure basic human rights, dignity and freedom for all gay people. He was one of the co-founders of GLAAD (Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation), which was formed to ensure that media representation of gays and lesbians was accurate. Towards the end of his life, he was one of the founders of ACT UP (AIDS Coalition to Unleash Power), a guerilla activist group whose goal was to bring legislation, medical research, treatment and policies to ultimately eradicate the AIDS epidemic." This was a very informative documentary. What was very interesting was the part about his project "The Celluloid Closet." In his project he documented homosexuals in film from it's beginning. It showed how there has always been homosexuals in film. In the early years the characters were shown as normal people. There was nothing wrong with a man kissing another man, a woman kissing another woman, two men dancing together, men in woman's clothes, woman in men's clothes, etc. Then, I think in the 40's (I maybe wrong on the decade) there was an act that prohibited any homosexual acts or characters in film. Around the 60's the ban was beginning to lift, but the homosexual characters were then shown as evil or bad people. They were being shown in a very negative light. It continued on that way until around the early 80's. But with 20 some odd years of anything homosexual being shown as bad, the damage had been done.
As much as I don't like to admit it, our society is shaped by what we see on TV, in the movies, and hear in music. With such homophobia being ingrained in our minds, I started to see why there is so much hate. Society was brain washed into thinking anything homosexual was bad, evil or wrong. Now this also sheds some light on the reason why the younger generations in today's society are more accepting. With media portraying homosexuals in a better light as normal characters with nothing wrong with it and social icons such as Ellen Degeneres coming out as gay and Chaz Bono coming out as a transgender man, the younger generations are more accepting. This gives me hope that one day the old homophobia will die out and be replaced with an accepting society. It may take a few generations, but there is hope.
Monday, July 23, 2012
Thursday, July 19, 2012
Blah
Lately I have been feeling very blah. Things have slowed down a lot regarding my journey. It's been weeks since I have fully dressed or put makeup on. Even though I am out to a lot of people, I am still hesitant with being out as the woman I am inside. Not sure why. Maybe I'm waiting for another perfect opportunity like the pride parade. Or a small gathering of friends.
My desire to be a woman is still strong and still growing inside of me. I feel like I still need to be pushed though. I know part of me hopes that a friend would call and beg me to come over so she can do my hair. Or that a few friends would do like a girl's night and invite me. I don't know. I do know that everyone has been crazy busy, including me. Lately my weekends have been booked. Like this coming weekend, my wife and I have to go over to my parents to help install ceiling fans and then after that we are having a family gathering to celebrate three family birthdays. Since not everyone in the family knows, I still have to hide. Sunday is a free day, but that just means the normal laundry, dishes, grocery shopping, etc. Also it hasn't helped that I have been stressed lately. I was stressing over a Real Estate exam. Which I failed one part, so now I'm stressing about having to retake that part. Always stressed about finances. I would love to be able to afford to get a bunch of new women's clothes to continue to grow my wardrobe and get more makeup supplies. But those aren't really necessities so they must wait.
I've also been a little depressed lately. Next weekend is the 75th anniversary reunion party for an outdoor theater I used to work at. I was hoping to go but it was too expensive for us to travel to NC for it. I understand that we can't afford it, it's just hard when watching all my friends post on FB how they are looking forward to seeing everyone and I won't be there. Luckily one of our theater techie friends is holding his annual weekend birthday bash that weekend. It's the 25th anniversary of that, so my wife and I will be going. I haven't seen many of those people in a long time either. None of them know about me so I will again have to hide it. Not sure how some of them would take it. Most likely they would take it like everyone else saying they have always known and would be supportive. But who knows... damn fear... I really wish I could duct tape fear's mouth shut. Of course who knows... maybe I'll get buzzed or drunk and let it slip. Guess we shall wait and see.
I've also been getting very anxious to start HRT. In some ways I can't wait to start, but another part of me is ok with waiting so my wife and I can try to have a baby. I really want a girl. I want to make her a princess. I look forward to taking her shopping and getting her all dressed up. But then as I get excited about that, I also worry about raising a child in a household where her father is a transgender woman. I worry about what her friends would say or do. Again... damn fear talking... it really needs to stop. I know it is trying to protect me, but I also know this is the correct path for me regardless of the risks. So I look on the bright side and think that by the time she is old enough that society will have finally caught up and be more accepting.
On a happier upbeat note... my new woman's watch should be delivered today and the new clothes I ordered should be delivered tomorrow. I can not wait. Guess that's all for now.
My desire to be a woman is still strong and still growing inside of me. I feel like I still need to be pushed though. I know part of me hopes that a friend would call and beg me to come over so she can do my hair. Or that a few friends would do like a girl's night and invite me. I don't know. I do know that everyone has been crazy busy, including me. Lately my weekends have been booked. Like this coming weekend, my wife and I have to go over to my parents to help install ceiling fans and then after that we are having a family gathering to celebrate three family birthdays. Since not everyone in the family knows, I still have to hide. Sunday is a free day, but that just means the normal laundry, dishes, grocery shopping, etc. Also it hasn't helped that I have been stressed lately. I was stressing over a Real Estate exam. Which I failed one part, so now I'm stressing about having to retake that part. Always stressed about finances. I would love to be able to afford to get a bunch of new women's clothes to continue to grow my wardrobe and get more makeup supplies. But those aren't really necessities so they must wait.
I've also been a little depressed lately. Next weekend is the 75th anniversary reunion party for an outdoor theater I used to work at. I was hoping to go but it was too expensive for us to travel to NC for it. I understand that we can't afford it, it's just hard when watching all my friends post on FB how they are looking forward to seeing everyone and I won't be there. Luckily one of our theater techie friends is holding his annual weekend birthday bash that weekend. It's the 25th anniversary of that, so my wife and I will be going. I haven't seen many of those people in a long time either. None of them know about me so I will again have to hide it. Not sure how some of them would take it. Most likely they would take it like everyone else saying they have always known and would be supportive. But who knows... damn fear... I really wish I could duct tape fear's mouth shut. Of course who knows... maybe I'll get buzzed or drunk and let it slip. Guess we shall wait and see.
I've also been getting very anxious to start HRT. In some ways I can't wait to start, but another part of me is ok with waiting so my wife and I can try to have a baby. I really want a girl. I want to make her a princess. I look forward to taking her shopping and getting her all dressed up. But then as I get excited about that, I also worry about raising a child in a household where her father is a transgender woman. I worry about what her friends would say or do. Again... damn fear talking... it really needs to stop. I know it is trying to protect me, but I also know this is the correct path for me regardless of the risks. So I look on the bright side and think that by the time she is old enough that society will have finally caught up and be more accepting.
On a happier upbeat note... my new woman's watch should be delivered today and the new clothes I ordered should be delivered tomorrow. I can not wait. Guess that's all for now.
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
Being Transgender
Just some quick personal opinions about being Transgender:
1. It is not a choice: We are born this way. Our brains are wired this way.
2. It is not easy: Once you accept who you are, it will be a long hard journey. Longer for some and harder for some. Not every journey is the same. You will be fighting the tide of society. Not everyone will accept you. Not everyone will support you.
3. You are not alone: There are many people who know they were born the wrong gender. You are not the only one going through this. Though the transition varies from person to person, there are many experiences that are shared.
4. There is no norm: There is no normal transgender person like there is no normal cis person. Each person is unique. Some are happy with just dressing and living as the opposite gender with no hormones and no surgery. Some are happy with just taking hormones, dressing and living as the opposite gender with no surgery. And some need to take hormones, dress & live as the opposite gender and have surgery. Everyone is different and unique. Thus beautiful for their uniqueness.
5. Love yourself: Above all love yourself for who you are. Don't let people make you feel any different. Be who you are and were meant to be. Don't let anyone keep you from being that. Don't let fear hinder that. When you love and accept yourself for who you are, the darkness will fade and the fear will be silent.
1. It is not a choice: We are born this way. Our brains are wired this way.
2. It is not easy: Once you accept who you are, it will be a long hard journey. Longer for some and harder for some. Not every journey is the same. You will be fighting the tide of society. Not everyone will accept you. Not everyone will support you.
3. You are not alone: There are many people who know they were born the wrong gender. You are not the only one going through this. Though the transition varies from person to person, there are many experiences that are shared.
4. There is no norm: There is no normal transgender person like there is no normal cis person. Each person is unique. Some are happy with just dressing and living as the opposite gender with no hormones and no surgery. Some are happy with just taking hormones, dressing and living as the opposite gender with no surgery. And some need to take hormones, dress & live as the opposite gender and have surgery. Everyone is different and unique. Thus beautiful for their uniqueness.
5. Love yourself: Above all love yourself for who you are. Don't let people make you feel any different. Be who you are and were meant to be. Don't let anyone keep you from being that. Don't let fear hinder that. When you love and accept yourself for who you are, the darkness will fade and the fear will be silent.
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
Monday, July 9, 2012
Dateline - July 8, 2012
Last night Dateline on NBC aired a segment called "Transgender children in America encounter new crossroads with medicine". As I watched it, I was full of emotions. The segment was about a child who knew he was a girl at a very young age. But before she realized it and her parents realized it, she was depressed and agitated all the time. Doctors prescribed about 13 different drugs for depression, ADHD, and anxiety. It was until one doctor saw her playing with a doll and she lifted her shirt to breast feed the doll did the doctor realize that she was suffering from gender identity disorder. Once the parents accepted this and allow her to dress and live as a girl did she calm down and was no longer depressed. However, most doctors refused to treat her with blockers and estrogen. Why is it ok to give a three to six year old Prozac and 12 other drugs equating to 17 doses a day, but yet it is wrong to prescribe anything to actually help her. By six years old she knew she was a girl in a boys body. By nine years old she was in utter fear of puberty and becoming more masculine. She even contemplated taking matters into her own hands and performing her own surgery to remove her penis. Thank goodness her mom stopped her. Why don't people understand that we know who we are from a very early age?? One doctor interviewed said that gender identity was a phase that most children suffering gender identity disorder grow out of it once they go through puberty. I disagree. I believe that most "grow out of it" due to societal pressures and force themselves to hide who they are. Out of fear and being ashamed due to their upbringing or religion. How many children end up killing themselves because they can not be who they really are?? When will people learn that we know who we are at an early age and embrace it instead of ignoring it?? You can't fix gender identity disorder with anti-depressants, anti-anxiety, and ADHD drugs. If you want to help someone, embrace who they really are and help them become the person/gender that they are meant to be, who they know in their hearts and minds, they are supposed to be.
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