Wednesday, October 10, 2012
TransWhat? (link)
Looking for a good all-purpose site to direct family members, friends, co-workers, lovers and allies to in their search for understanding and terminology... start with http://transwhat.org/
Tuesday, October 9, 2012
Been a While
It has been almost a month since I last posted. Life has been busy and my transition had stalled. At first my transition started like a runaway freight train, but then it stopped and has been hard to get it moving again. But it is slowly, very slowly moving again. Over the past month I have only partially dressed at home. Mainly changing into a skirt when I got home from work. However Sunday night I did get to practice putting on makeup. I was letting fear talk me out of it, but my wife gave me a push. It took about 30 mins to apply and only had it on for about 15 mins, but it was progress. Here are two pics of the results:
According to my wife it looked good for going out a night. Really need to learn to be more subtle with my makeup. But practice makes perfect right??
Oh and my wife and I have come up with what our costumes will be for Halloween. We are sticking to an Alice in Wonderland theme. She's going to be Alice and I'm going to be the Queen of Hearts. Here is a pic of my costume (if we can afford to get them):
I've got less than a month to buy the costumes and get the nerve to wear this one. I think I can, I think I can. And at least makeup wise I can do it for nights. :)
Thursday, September 13, 2012
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
Social Media: Blessing or Curse
Recently I began to ponder Social Media. We as a society are plugged in and tuned in. Are social media sites a blessing or a curse? Are we better off as a society using them? In my opinion it's both and yes & no.
Facebook gave us a way to connect with friends and family. It has given us a way to share stories and photos with each other. But it has given rise to a platform of preaching and the festering of hate. People argue over political views, religious views, human rights views, etc. It has opened our eyes to sides of people we would have never seen. From a simple posting of an article could destroy a friendship. A posting of a picture could ruin a person's career or personal life. Things that were once so private are set out for the world to see.
Tumblr has given us a way to share photos, our deepest thoughts, our interests with the world. No matter what you post can be searched by virtually anyone. It's a way to have anonymity but get your voice out there. The down side again is it has given rise to a platform of preaching and the festering of hate. If you don't want to follow someone, don't. If you don't agree with their views or content, don't follow them. But some people are out to fester hate. Messages can be sent anonymously. Hate mail can be received. While so many are trying to create a community of like minded people, others deem it is their duty to tear it apart.
Google + is still in it's infancy. But it has some of the same characteristics of Facebook. The main plus about it is that not many people are on it. It has a higher control of who can see what posts. As me and my friends call it... it is a safe place. At least for now.
I wish people could use these sites with better judgement. I wish people would accept everyone for having their own view points and not spread hate when they do not agree. I wish people would understand that no one is perfect, so they need not judge people for their imperfections as they are not perfect.
Facebook gave us a way to connect with friends and family. It has given us a way to share stories and photos with each other. But it has given rise to a platform of preaching and the festering of hate. People argue over political views, religious views, human rights views, etc. It has opened our eyes to sides of people we would have never seen. From a simple posting of an article could destroy a friendship. A posting of a picture could ruin a person's career or personal life. Things that were once so private are set out for the world to see.
Tumblr has given us a way to share photos, our deepest thoughts, our interests with the world. No matter what you post can be searched by virtually anyone. It's a way to have anonymity but get your voice out there. The down side again is it has given rise to a platform of preaching and the festering of hate. If you don't want to follow someone, don't. If you don't agree with their views or content, don't follow them. But some people are out to fester hate. Messages can be sent anonymously. Hate mail can be received. While so many are trying to create a community of like minded people, others deem it is their duty to tear it apart.
Google + is still in it's infancy. But it has some of the same characteristics of Facebook. The main plus about it is that not many people are on it. It has a higher control of who can see what posts. As me and my friends call it... it is a safe place. At least for now.
I wish people could use these sites with better judgement. I wish people would accept everyone for having their own view points and not spread hate when they do not agree. I wish people would understand that no one is perfect, so they need not judge people for their imperfections as they are not perfect.
Monday, September 10, 2012
Overreacting
I have this tendency to overreact to things. If I can't handle something, I overreact and pull a 180. I don't know why I do it. A coping mechanism maybe. This weekend I overreacted. I have been feeling that my wife wasn't as supportive as I had thought she was. I thought if I continued the journey of transition our marriage would end. I thought I would be willing to give up transitioning to keep my marriage. I had spent a lot of time thinking about it. Any time I brought up the subject of transitioning I thought I saw my wife cringe, like I was stabbing her in the heart.
On Saturday, I told my wife I was just going to stop transitioning. I kept saying it was the best for us. I went as far as messaging my therapist and telling her I was no longer going to transition. I was overreacting to the point where I was ready to throw away my girl clothes, cut my hair and let my body hair grow back. Even maybe grow my goatee back. I thought I was fine with that. Give up everything for our marriage. But I was being eaten up inside. I felt a part of me dying.
Sunday evening I talked with my wife again. It took a while to get up the nerve. I told her I didn't want to stop. I couldn't stop. But I didn't want to add this stress onto her. I didn't want her to continue to have panic attacks. As we talked, the biggest stress to her about my transitioning was the constant red alert feeling if I went out as a woman. The world is cruel. She felt the need to always have to protect me. And even if things weren't so bad if I went out as a girl, she still had to deal with my emotions if someone looked at me funny. It is one thing for friends to be supportive, but they don't live me with to deal with my emotions. The full fall out of my emotions if someone said or did the wrong thing to me if I was out as a girl. To be honest, when I dress and put makeup on, I do look like a guy in a dress with makeup on.
Last night we came up with a solution. A way for me to keep transitioning and her not to be on edge feeling like she constantly had to protect me. I would still dress at home. I would still dress when we are at a friends house. But I would not go out in public as a girl. If I want to be dressed as a girl at a friends house, then I would bring the stuff with me and change when we get there and change before we leave. This way there is no worry of what happens from our house to a friends house. We will also continue with the plan of me starting HRT after we have a baby. I would stay in "guy mode" for as long as possible. In an earlier post I had wanted to be a girl 80% of the time and a guy 20% of the time. We have now switched that. I will be a girl 20% of the time and a guy 80% of the time. At some point with the HRT, the effects (hopefully) will make it so I am passable as a woman, and then there will be no need to worry about going out in public as a woman. This will also then reduce the fear we both have.
I am happy with the plan we came up with. I was actually able to sleep last night without the worry and stress. I'll try not to overreact in the future. No promises though ;P
On Saturday, I told my wife I was just going to stop transitioning. I kept saying it was the best for us. I went as far as messaging my therapist and telling her I was no longer going to transition. I was overreacting to the point where I was ready to throw away my girl clothes, cut my hair and let my body hair grow back. Even maybe grow my goatee back. I thought I was fine with that. Give up everything for our marriage. But I was being eaten up inside. I felt a part of me dying.
Sunday evening I talked with my wife again. It took a while to get up the nerve. I told her I didn't want to stop. I couldn't stop. But I didn't want to add this stress onto her. I didn't want her to continue to have panic attacks. As we talked, the biggest stress to her about my transitioning was the constant red alert feeling if I went out as a woman. The world is cruel. She felt the need to always have to protect me. And even if things weren't so bad if I went out as a girl, she still had to deal with my emotions if someone looked at me funny. It is one thing for friends to be supportive, but they don't live me with to deal with my emotions. The full fall out of my emotions if someone said or did the wrong thing to me if I was out as a girl. To be honest, when I dress and put makeup on, I do look like a guy in a dress with makeup on.
Last night we came up with a solution. A way for me to keep transitioning and her not to be on edge feeling like she constantly had to protect me. I would still dress at home. I would still dress when we are at a friends house. But I would not go out in public as a girl. If I want to be dressed as a girl at a friends house, then I would bring the stuff with me and change when we get there and change before we leave. This way there is no worry of what happens from our house to a friends house. We will also continue with the plan of me starting HRT after we have a baby. I would stay in "guy mode" for as long as possible. In an earlier post I had wanted to be a girl 80% of the time and a guy 20% of the time. We have now switched that. I will be a girl 20% of the time and a guy 80% of the time. At some point with the HRT, the effects (hopefully) will make it so I am passable as a woman, and then there will be no need to worry about going out in public as a woman. This will also then reduce the fear we both have.
I am happy with the plan we came up with. I was actually able to sleep last night without the worry and stress. I'll try not to overreact in the future. No promises though ;P
Wednesday, September 5, 2012
Taking a Break
I am going on hiatus from posting for a little while. Didn't want anyone reading my blog to get worried. Just need a break. Let the stress settle down and breathe.
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
Just a Quick Note
I haven't had anything I wanted to write about recently. Things have been stagnant.
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