30) Write a haiku about being trans:
I was scared of this one. Not sure if I got it right or not but here goes:
The testosterone leaves the body
Estrogen swirls about
I am woman
Showing posts with label 30 Day Trans Challenge. Show all posts
Showing posts with label 30 Day Trans Challenge. Show all posts
Tuesday, October 8, 2013
Monday, October 7, 2013
30 Day Trans Challenge - Day 27, 28, 29
27) What goals do you have?
My goals are to be comfortable in my body and be accepted for who I am. I am starting to get closer to both goals.
28) What is something you have to do everyday or else you feel like your whole day is off if you don't do it?
Hmmm.... I guess I would have to say right now it's wearing a bra everyday. If I don't wear one, I feel off and uncomfortable. Even in boy mode I still wear a bra. Not one that accents my breasts, but just supports them.
29) Write out something positive about yourself using the letters of your name. Ex. Your name is Bob so B-Beautiful O-Outstanding B-Boy.
I'm going to use my nickname as I am slowly getting people to use that instead of my given name.
Beautiful
Inteligent
Bohemian
Interesting
My goals are to be comfortable in my body and be accepted for who I am. I am starting to get closer to both goals.
28) What is something you have to do everyday or else you feel like your whole day is off if you don't do it?
Hmmm.... I guess I would have to say right now it's wearing a bra everyday. If I don't wear one, I feel off and uncomfortable. Even in boy mode I still wear a bra. Not one that accents my breasts, but just supports them.
29) Write out something positive about yourself using the letters of your name. Ex. Your name is Bob so B-Beautiful O-Outstanding B-Boy.
I'm going to use my nickname as I am slowly getting people to use that instead of my given name.
Beautiful
Inteligent
Bohemian
Interesting
Friday, October 4, 2013
30 Day Trans Challenge - Day 26
26) Do you feel comfortable answering questions about being trans if say your teacher/friend/stranger asked you?
I do feel comfortable answering questions about being trans from anyone. Especially from people I know. I feel that the more open and honest we are, the more informed they will become. I don't get offended with the questions. Many do not understand what we go through or what it truly means to be trans. I have an open invitation to a group of friends on Google+ to ask any question they want, no matter how personal. It has brought a lot of us closer. I even share with them progress updates, like breasts aching, mood swings, any body changes, etc. It's funny with the women, they sort of chuckle and say "Welcome to being a Woman." They have all been uber supportive. They offer advice from a woman's point of view. All have offered to go shopping with me whenever I'm ready. The more open I am and eager to answer questions, the more educated they are in what's going on. And if this understanding can spread, there will be less ignorance and their shared knowledge could lead to less discrimination in the world. People fear the unknown. That ignorance fuels their fear and they let that fear turn to hate. If we can remove that ignorance, that fuel, we can remove their fear, thus remove their hate. At least in a perfect world. But as we gain public understanding and support, I really think that we will be more accepted. Will there always be hate, unfortunately yes. But we can lessen those voices. Look how far we have come with marriage equality. More people support it than those that oppose it. Many have learned it is not a choice, but who they were from birth. And I hope the world will realize that transgender people did not chose to be transgender. Who would chose to go through what we all endure? Through knowledge and answering questions, they will learn this was not a choice, and maybe just maybe be treated as equals and not a lessor class. Now I'm not saying it is ok for a person to directly ask about genitals or other personal info without first asking permission. The people wanting to know, need to have manners and ask permission to ask a personal question and need to do so privately. But they need to be informed on the correct way to ask questions. So if they go direct without permission, just tell them how they asked was inappropriate. Tell them that they must ask permission to ask such questions. Just like anyone asks another person. Remind them that they don't randomly go up to woman and ask to see her genitals. With knowledge comes understanding and with understanding comes support.
I do feel comfortable answering questions about being trans from anyone. Especially from people I know. I feel that the more open and honest we are, the more informed they will become. I don't get offended with the questions. Many do not understand what we go through or what it truly means to be trans. I have an open invitation to a group of friends on Google+ to ask any question they want, no matter how personal. It has brought a lot of us closer. I even share with them progress updates, like breasts aching, mood swings, any body changes, etc. It's funny with the women, they sort of chuckle and say "Welcome to being a Woman." They have all been uber supportive. They offer advice from a woman's point of view. All have offered to go shopping with me whenever I'm ready. The more open I am and eager to answer questions, the more educated they are in what's going on. And if this understanding can spread, there will be less ignorance and their shared knowledge could lead to less discrimination in the world. People fear the unknown. That ignorance fuels their fear and they let that fear turn to hate. If we can remove that ignorance, that fuel, we can remove their fear, thus remove their hate. At least in a perfect world. But as we gain public understanding and support, I really think that we will be more accepted. Will there always be hate, unfortunately yes. But we can lessen those voices. Look how far we have come with marriage equality. More people support it than those that oppose it. Many have learned it is not a choice, but who they were from birth. And I hope the world will realize that transgender people did not chose to be transgender. Who would chose to go through what we all endure? Through knowledge and answering questions, they will learn this was not a choice, and maybe just maybe be treated as equals and not a lessor class. Now I'm not saying it is ok for a person to directly ask about genitals or other personal info without first asking permission. The people wanting to know, need to have manners and ask permission to ask a personal question and need to do so privately. But they need to be informed on the correct way to ask questions. So if they go direct without permission, just tell them how they asked was inappropriate. Tell them that they must ask permission to ask such questions. Just like anyone asks another person. Remind them that they don't randomly go up to woman and ask to see her genitals. With knowledge comes understanding and with understanding comes support.
Thursday, October 3, 2013
30 Day Trans Challenge - Day 25
25) Doctor visits?
Doctor visits started off scary. Especially when I started hormones. I was so afraid when they asked what meds I was on to mention estrogen and spiro. But I am becoming more comfortable telling doctors that I'm transgender and currently on hormones. The only doctor I haven't told and haven't visited since starting hormones is my cardiologist. I'm not sure how to tell her since she has treated me since the day I was born. And her echo technician is fairly discriminatory (which I have complained about). But I do need to see a cardiologist regularly so I guess I need to come out to her soon. Other than that I'm becoming a bit more confident coming out and being upfront.
Doctor visits started off scary. Especially when I started hormones. I was so afraid when they asked what meds I was on to mention estrogen and spiro. But I am becoming more comfortable telling doctors that I'm transgender and currently on hormones. The only doctor I haven't told and haven't visited since starting hormones is my cardiologist. I'm not sure how to tell her since she has treated me since the day I was born. And her echo technician is fairly discriminatory (which I have complained about). But I do need to see a cardiologist regularly so I guess I need to come out to her soon. Other than that I'm becoming a bit more confident coming out and being upfront.
Wednesday, October 2, 2013
30 Day Trans Challenge - Day 24
24) Who is your favorite LGBT actor/musician/director/artist etc and why?
I don't have just one favorite and for the why they are my favorite.... I just like everything about them. They are great in their craft and I enjoy watching / listening to them. In no particular order:
I don't have just one favorite and for the why they are my favorite.... I just like everything about them. They are great in their craft and I enjoy watching / listening to them. In no particular order:
- Ian McKellen
- Neil Patrick Harris
- Jim Parsons
- Freddie Mercury
- Nathan Lane
- George Takei
- John Barrowman
- Zachary Quinto
- Ellen DeGeneres
- Anne Heche
- Lana Wachowski
- Laverne Cox
- And many more. Just too many great LGBT actors/actresses/musicians/directors/artists etc.
Tuesday, October 1, 2013
30 Day Trans Challenge - Day 23
23) What stereotypes are put on trans people?
I've been thinking about this one and have been having a hard time getting my thoughts out correctly on this. So I found this on Yahoo answers that seems to get some of the stereotypes:
1) Almost everyone seems to believe that transsexuals are gay pre-transition. That is, if a man announces that he wants to become a woman and will be transitioning, everyone assumes that he is attracted to men (and same for women who do so). It used to be impossible for straight (pre-transition) people to get sex changes; Lou Sullivan (a gay transman) fought very hard to change that, and won. In reality, there are roughly equal numbers of gay transsexuals (those who are gay post-transition) and those who were gay but, after transitioning, lead heterosexual lives.
2) Nearly everyone, including some transsexuals, believe that you must adhere completely to gender binary stereotypes if you have a sex change. That is, if a man transitions to a woman, the new she is expected to be feminine to the nines; after all, what's the point of spending all that money unless you're going to really "be" a woman (or vice-versa, a man)? But the fact of the matter is that there are trans individuals who encompass a wide gender range; not too long ago, I remember reading a blog or some-other by a transsexual woman who was agonizing over the flak she got for being a butch woman, since everyone assumes if you're chopping off your penis, you should "look like a woman, too" (whatever that means; women come in all shapes and sizes).
3) A lot of people seem to think that female-to-male transsexuals are "trying to get 'male privilege'" by transitioning. They are accused of 'taking the easy way out' and becoming men rather than challenging our gendered world and making it possible for women to have more power. I've heard people say that they are anti-feminist for this, and a lot of them get generally spat upon by people who see them as betraying their sex. In reality, of course, nobody is doing that at all; the brand of being a transsexual (not to mention the massive cost, both monetarily and physically, pyschologically, and emotionally) is far worse than being a woman in today's society.
4) Similarly to #3, people seem to think that transsexuals aren't allowing themselves to be who they are. They seem to think that they are perpetuating the gender binary by wanting to transition their sex. For example, someone might think that a transwoman is a disgrace to the genderqueer cause, because rather than stay in a male body and help people understand that feminine males are possible, she cowardly switched over to look like a 'natural woman' so that she wouldn't get any flak for being different. This is, of course, completely untrue- there is lots of research out there showing that there are possible brain differences in transsexuals, and moreover, your sex/gender has more to do than with just how others treat you; it's also about how you feel in your body (and you'd be surprised at how much a difference male and female hormones can make someone feel; read a transsexual memoir and you'll understand).
5) People assume that it's a choice, and not an actual disease (gender dysphoria), or if they think it's a disease, it's in a "they're sick" way, versus having an actual clinical, perfectly normal condition. Moreover, lots of lay people seem to think that the way to deal with this is not to change the body, but, since there is a mind-body discord, to change the mind instead. Of course, in reality, there is no (proven) way to change the sex of someone's mind; our brains are immensely complex, full of interactions between genetics, biology, personality, past experiences, formative childhoods, our feelings, our fears . . . the list goes on. You can't just go in there and say "Here, you're a man."; therapy is not going to work like that.
6) People seem to think that transsexuals just decide on a whim to do what they want; few know that they have to go through tons of gender therapy to get permission to get hormones and to have surgery OK'd, and have to live as that gender for a year or longer. It's rigorous, and the people who transition are dedicated.
7) That their bodies don't function correctly. I don't know how many questions I've answered on here from people wanting to know if transsexuals can orgasm. If surgery is done right, with a skilled professional, then transsexuals of both sexes can have ultimately wonderful, fulfilling sex lives and do so.
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20070212220254AAAidK9
I've been thinking about this one and have been having a hard time getting my thoughts out correctly on this. So I found this on Yahoo answers that seems to get some of the stereotypes:
1) Almost everyone seems to believe that transsexuals are gay pre-transition. That is, if a man announces that he wants to become a woman and will be transitioning, everyone assumes that he is attracted to men (and same for women who do so). It used to be impossible for straight (pre-transition) people to get sex changes; Lou Sullivan (a gay transman) fought very hard to change that, and won. In reality, there are roughly equal numbers of gay transsexuals (those who are gay post-transition) and those who were gay but, after transitioning, lead heterosexual lives.
2) Nearly everyone, including some transsexuals, believe that you must adhere completely to gender binary stereotypes if you have a sex change. That is, if a man transitions to a woman, the new she is expected to be feminine to the nines; after all, what's the point of spending all that money unless you're going to really "be" a woman (or vice-versa, a man)? But the fact of the matter is that there are trans individuals who encompass a wide gender range; not too long ago, I remember reading a blog or some-other by a transsexual woman who was agonizing over the flak she got for being a butch woman, since everyone assumes if you're chopping off your penis, you should "look like a woman, too" (whatever that means; women come in all shapes and sizes).
3) A lot of people seem to think that female-to-male transsexuals are "trying to get 'male privilege'" by transitioning. They are accused of 'taking the easy way out' and becoming men rather than challenging our gendered world and making it possible for women to have more power. I've heard people say that they are anti-feminist for this, and a lot of them get generally spat upon by people who see them as betraying their sex. In reality, of course, nobody is doing that at all; the brand of being a transsexual (not to mention the massive cost, both monetarily and physically, pyschologically, and emotionally) is far worse than being a woman in today's society.
4) Similarly to #3, people seem to think that transsexuals aren't allowing themselves to be who they are. They seem to think that they are perpetuating the gender binary by wanting to transition their sex. For example, someone might think that a transwoman is a disgrace to the genderqueer cause, because rather than stay in a male body and help people understand that feminine males are possible, she cowardly switched over to look like a 'natural woman' so that she wouldn't get any flak for being different. This is, of course, completely untrue- there is lots of research out there showing that there are possible brain differences in transsexuals, and moreover, your sex/gender has more to do than with just how others treat you; it's also about how you feel in your body (and you'd be surprised at how much a difference male and female hormones can make someone feel; read a transsexual memoir and you'll understand).
5) People assume that it's a choice, and not an actual disease (gender dysphoria), or if they think it's a disease, it's in a "they're sick" way, versus having an actual clinical, perfectly normal condition. Moreover, lots of lay people seem to think that the way to deal with this is not to change the body, but, since there is a mind-body discord, to change the mind instead. Of course, in reality, there is no (proven) way to change the sex of someone's mind; our brains are immensely complex, full of interactions between genetics, biology, personality, past experiences, formative childhoods, our feelings, our fears . . . the list goes on. You can't just go in there and say "Here, you're a man."; therapy is not going to work like that.
6) People seem to think that transsexuals just decide on a whim to do what they want; few know that they have to go through tons of gender therapy to get permission to get hormones and to have surgery OK'd, and have to live as that gender for a year or longer. It's rigorous, and the people who transition are dedicated.
7) That their bodies don't function correctly. I don't know how many questions I've answered on here from people wanting to know if transsexuals can orgasm. If surgery is done right, with a skilled professional, then transsexuals of both sexes can have ultimately wonderful, fulfilling sex lives and do so.
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20070212220254AAAidK9
Monday, September 30, 2013
30 Day Trans Challenge - Days 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22
17) What's your binding choice and why?
I don't bind. I do plan on possibly binding my breasts as they grow bigger to hide from work until I'm out. As for tucking, I rarely do that as I tend to be small at rest. And with the hormones shrinking the testies, I don't tend to show a bulge. However on rare occasions I do tape, just to get the feeling of nothing hanging between my legs.
18) How do you feel about the trans laws where you live?
The trans laws are great where I live. I live in Connecticut and we have some of the best trans laws. Gender Identity was added to the Anti-Discrimination laws a couple of years ago. I still fear losing my job though if I come out as transgender. Even though they can't fire me for being transgender, they could always find other ways to fire me and I couldn't really afford to fight it. I hope to someday get a job at my wife's company where they are very trans friendly.
19) If your religious how do your views effect being trans if your not religious what about your family religions?
Religion doesn't really effect my views of being trans. I tend to believe that no one should judge and love thy neighbor. However, my grandmother and great aunt are very religious and old school. I am not out to them as I don't think they would be very accepting. They are also ultra conservative and believe everything they hear on Fox News (whom isn't very trans friendly in reporting).
20) Do you want to be a parent why or why not?
Right now I'm a proud parent of three wonderful cats. My wife and I are happy with that at the moment. We briefly thought about having a baby, but then we discovered that she couldn't have kids. We may adopt at some point, but it's not definite.
21) Your views on the cis-gendered community?
My view on the cis-gendered community is it is very uninformed / uneducated on the trans community. There is so much miss information out there. This tends to lead to confusion and the unknown. And people fear the unknown. I think as time progresses and there is more information out there, the cis-gendered community will be less transphobic. But it's going to take time.
22) Do you feel being trans holds you back from your career choice?
At the moment no, but I'm not out full time. Like I previously put in an answer, I do fear losing my job if I come out.
I don't bind. I do plan on possibly binding my breasts as they grow bigger to hide from work until I'm out. As for tucking, I rarely do that as I tend to be small at rest. And with the hormones shrinking the testies, I don't tend to show a bulge. However on rare occasions I do tape, just to get the feeling of nothing hanging between my legs.
18) How do you feel about the trans laws where you live?
The trans laws are great where I live. I live in Connecticut and we have some of the best trans laws. Gender Identity was added to the Anti-Discrimination laws a couple of years ago. I still fear losing my job though if I come out as transgender. Even though they can't fire me for being transgender, they could always find other ways to fire me and I couldn't really afford to fight it. I hope to someday get a job at my wife's company where they are very trans friendly.
19) If your religious how do your views effect being trans if your not religious what about your family religions?
Religion doesn't really effect my views of being trans. I tend to believe that no one should judge and love thy neighbor. However, my grandmother and great aunt are very religious and old school. I am not out to them as I don't think they would be very accepting. They are also ultra conservative and believe everything they hear on Fox News (whom isn't very trans friendly in reporting).
20) Do you want to be a parent why or why not?
Right now I'm a proud parent of three wonderful cats. My wife and I are happy with that at the moment. We briefly thought about having a baby, but then we discovered that she couldn't have kids. We may adopt at some point, but it's not definite.
21) Your views on the cis-gendered community?
My view on the cis-gendered community is it is very uninformed / uneducated on the trans community. There is so much miss information out there. This tends to lead to confusion and the unknown. And people fear the unknown. I think as time progresses and there is more information out there, the cis-gendered community will be less transphobic. But it's going to take time.
22) Do you feel being trans holds you back from your career choice?
At the moment no, but I'm not out full time. Like I previously put in an answer, I do fear losing my job if I come out.
Tuesday, September 24, 2013
30 Day Trans Challenge - Day 13, 14, 15, 16
Sorry these are a bit. With everything going on with my wife, I just haven't had the chance to write.
13) Bathrooms:
Bathrooms haven't been an issue yet as I am not out full time.
14) What are some of your passing tips or things you do to pass?
The biggest tip is be confident. If you show fear, you are more open to questioning. Also take the time to develop a style, practice putting on make-up, and observe other women. Learn the mannerisms and how other women carry themselves. I don't pass at the moment, but these are what I will be doing. I have had a few moments of passing without trying. I think that's thanks to the hormones making my body more feminine and also I am becoming more confident in who I am.
15) How have you embraced your trans identity?
I started out struggling with embracing being trans, but I have slowly embraced it. I realized that this is who I am. I was destined to be the woman I knew I was. Having the people around me who support and love me, has definitely made it easier to embrace. And seeing the changes in me has helped too. Feeling more confident, being more out going, if I hadn't come out, I would still be in my shell.
16) What's your rock anthem and why?
This is a tough one. My wife and I were discussing this one. After much thought, I think I'm going to stick with my favorite song: Dream on by Aerosmith. It just reminds me that everyone struggles, but to live and learn, to grow and to sing, and to alway dream on. Singing always cheers me up.
13) Bathrooms:
Bathrooms haven't been an issue yet as I am not out full time.
14) What are some of your passing tips or things you do to pass?
The biggest tip is be confident. If you show fear, you are more open to questioning. Also take the time to develop a style, practice putting on make-up, and observe other women. Learn the mannerisms and how other women carry themselves. I don't pass at the moment, but these are what I will be doing. I have had a few moments of passing without trying. I think that's thanks to the hormones making my body more feminine and also I am becoming more confident in who I am.
15) How have you embraced your trans identity?
I started out struggling with embracing being trans, but I have slowly embraced it. I realized that this is who I am. I was destined to be the woman I knew I was. Having the people around me who support and love me, has definitely made it easier to embrace. And seeing the changes in me has helped too. Feeling more confident, being more out going, if I hadn't come out, I would still be in my shell.
16) What's your rock anthem and why?
This is a tough one. My wife and I were discussing this one. After much thought, I think I'm going to stick with my favorite song: Dream on by Aerosmith. It just reminds me that everyone struggles, but to live and learn, to grow and to sing, and to alway dream on. Singing always cheers me up.
Friday, September 20, 2013
30 Day Trans Challenge - Day 10, 11 & 12
So the last three days have been occupied with ER trips with my wife and her having her gallbladder out. Now that she is resting in her hospital bed and doing well, I figured I would take the opportunity to catch up on the 30 Day Trans Challenge.
10) What are some of your fears in regards to being trans?
My fears in regards to being trans are average. I do fear that I won't ever fully look female. But I am happy that I am feeling very feminine. That is huge. I also fear discrimination and hate, but haven't experienced much yet.
11) How do you manage dysphoria?
Mainly by crying or having mini panic attacks. Since being on hormones the dysphoria has not been bad. If I feel it coming on, I just try to breath and remind myself that I am taking the steps I need to and that I already feel very feminine. Plus the support that is around me helps a lot.
12) What are you doing to stay healthy for transitioning mentally and physically?
For mental health I see my therapist every week. She has been helping so much. I look forward to talking with her every week. To the point I count down the hours. And I'm a bit sad after the sessions when I know I have a week until I come back in. It also helps with writing on blogger and tumblr. I wouldn't have made it this far with those who read and follow them.
As for my physical health that's a toughy. For monitoring my hormone progress I see my Endocrinologist every 3-4 months. However my diet pre hormones has caused weight gain after hormones. I am trying to cut my portion sizes and watch what I eat. I am also trying to get in the routine of exercising. We have a rowing machine, treadmill, and exercise bike. Just got to get motivated to use them more.
10) What are some of your fears in regards to being trans?
My fears in regards to being trans are average. I do fear that I won't ever fully look female. But I am happy that I am feeling very feminine. That is huge. I also fear discrimination and hate, but haven't experienced much yet.
11) How do you manage dysphoria?
Mainly by crying or having mini panic attacks. Since being on hormones the dysphoria has not been bad. If I feel it coming on, I just try to breath and remind myself that I am taking the steps I need to and that I already feel very feminine. Plus the support that is around me helps a lot.
12) What are you doing to stay healthy for transitioning mentally and physically?
For mental health I see my therapist every week. She has been helping so much. I look forward to talking with her every week. To the point I count down the hours. And I'm a bit sad after the sessions when I know I have a week until I come back in. It also helps with writing on blogger and tumblr. I wouldn't have made it this far with those who read and follow them.
As for my physical health that's a toughy. For monitoring my hormone progress I see my Endocrinologist every 3-4 months. However my diet pre hormones has caused weight gain after hormones. I am trying to cut my portion sizes and watch what I eat. I am also trying to get in the routine of exercising. We have a rowing machine, treadmill, and exercise bike. Just got to get motivated to use them more.
Tuesday, September 17, 2013
30 Day Trans Challenge - Day 9
9) What is something positive about being trans?
There is a lot of negative things that happen with being trans. However, there are some positive things. I discovered how many true friends I have that have stuck by me when I came out and even rekindled some that I thought were lost. I am happier knowing who I am and accepting it. I have met so many amazing people through this blog and my tumblr blog. People that have inspired me and in turn I have inspired them (hopefully). I feel a part of something bigger. I feel a sense of belong. I have strengthened my relationships with my bestfriends to being sisters. I have tested my marriage and even though it has it's rocky moments it is becoming stronger. I have broken out of my shell. I enjoy sharing about myself. I am finally learning to love myself. I have learned the true meaning of love and friendship. Some may say that being trans is a curse with all the negative things that can happen. But I also find it a blessing, as I am discovering who I am and get to see the world in a new light and it isn't as dark as it appears.
There is a lot of negative things that happen with being trans. However, there are some positive things. I discovered how many true friends I have that have stuck by me when I came out and even rekindled some that I thought were lost. I am happier knowing who I am and accepting it. I have met so many amazing people through this blog and my tumblr blog. People that have inspired me and in turn I have inspired them (hopefully). I feel a part of something bigger. I feel a sense of belong. I have strengthened my relationships with my bestfriends to being sisters. I have tested my marriage and even though it has it's rocky moments it is becoming stronger. I have broken out of my shell. I enjoy sharing about myself. I am finally learning to love myself. I have learned the true meaning of love and friendship. Some may say that being trans is a curse with all the negative things that can happen. But I also find it a blessing, as I am discovering who I am and get to see the world in a new light and it isn't as dark as it appears.
Monday, September 16, 2013
30 Day Trans Challenge - Day 8
8) How do you deal with being read mis-genderd in the beginning of transitioning by people?
As I am not full time at the moment and spend more time in boy mode, I don't really experience being read mis-genderd. However with being in boy mode and called ma'am and miss really lift my spirits. The only issue I sort of have is with my parents. Since coming out to them, they seem to constantly re-affirm that I am their son. I don't know if they are doing it more often than what they used to or if I'm just more sensitive to it. Just seems a lot of "...my son" "...that's my boy" stuff. I know it is hard for them to get used to now having another daughter after having a son for 34 years. I just hope when I'm out full time, whenever that will be, that they will be more sensitive. And I know slips happen. I was referred to as uncle by one of my friends and I know it was an honest slip. That really doesn't bother me. Maybe I'm weird that it doesn't get to me as much. Do I hate being called sir at a store or restaurant? Yes, but I can't blame them if I'm out in boy mode. Maybe I will feel differently when I'm out full time. Only time will tell.
As I am not full time at the moment and spend more time in boy mode, I don't really experience being read mis-genderd. However with being in boy mode and called ma'am and miss really lift my spirits. The only issue I sort of have is with my parents. Since coming out to them, they seem to constantly re-affirm that I am their son. I don't know if they are doing it more often than what they used to or if I'm just more sensitive to it. Just seems a lot of "...my son" "...that's my boy" stuff. I know it is hard for them to get used to now having another daughter after having a son for 34 years. I just hope when I'm out full time, whenever that will be, that they will be more sensitive. And I know slips happen. I was referred to as uncle by one of my friends and I know it was an honest slip. That really doesn't bother me. Maybe I'm weird that it doesn't get to me as much. Do I hate being called sir at a store or restaurant? Yes, but I can't blame them if I'm out in boy mode. Maybe I will feel differently when I'm out full time. Only time will tell.
Sunday, September 15, 2013
30 Day Trans Challenge - Day 7
7) Who do you look up to?
This is a tough one. I have thought about this since last night. I can not pin point just one person who inspires me. As I reflect and think on this question, I think I may have the answer. I look up to everyone. I look up to those who have transitioned before me, those who are transitioning with me and those who are just beginning. I look up to anyone who knows who they are. I look up to anyone who questions who they are. I look up to those who are here. I look up the person who didn't cut last night. I look up to the person who tried not to cut but couldn't resist the temptation. I look up to the person who didn't cry themselves to sleep. I look up to the person who is strong enough to cry. I look up to those who have taken the step to talk with a therapist. I look up to my wife for standing by my side even though it is very hard for her. I look up to my best friends as they support me no matter what. I look up to my friends for accepting me for who I am with no question. I look up to everyone. Everyone inspires me. Everyone gives me hope and faith.
This is a tough one. I have thought about this since last night. I can not pin point just one person who inspires me. As I reflect and think on this question, I think I may have the answer. I look up to everyone. I look up to those who have transitioned before me, those who are transitioning with me and those who are just beginning. I look up to anyone who knows who they are. I look up to anyone who questions who they are. I look up to those who are here. I look up the person who didn't cut last night. I look up to the person who tried not to cut but couldn't resist the temptation. I look up to the person who didn't cry themselves to sleep. I look up to the person who is strong enough to cry. I look up to those who have taken the step to talk with a therapist. I look up to my wife for standing by my side even though it is very hard for her. I look up to my best friends as they support me no matter what. I look up to my friends for accepting me for who I am with no question. I look up to everyone. Everyone inspires me. Everyone gives me hope and faith.
Saturday, September 14, 2013
30 Day Trans Challenge - Day 6
6) Who was the first person you told about being trans?
This is a tough question. I believe my wife (when we were dating) was the first person I actually soberly told straight about wanting to be a woman and feeling that I should have been born a woman. But I didn't use the term transgender. I know there are friends who I had hinted to before and maybe under the influence told bits of my need and feeling to be a woman. Again not using the term transgender. I'm honestly not sure who the first person was that I told about being transgender.
This is a tough question. I believe my wife (when we were dating) was the first person I actually soberly told straight about wanting to be a woman and feeling that I should have been born a woman. But I didn't use the term transgender. I know there are friends who I had hinted to before and maybe under the influence told bits of my need and feeling to be a woman. Again not using the term transgender. I'm honestly not sure who the first person was that I told about being transgender.
Friday, September 13, 2013
30 Day Trans Challenge - Day 5
5) Are you active in the trans community or LGBT community?
Yes and no. I feel I should do more in the communities. I post a lot to share my story of transition. All the good and bad so others will know they are not alone. I also help manage a facebook page, twitter account, and google+ page for Genderfest.com. Here is a description of Genderfest from the homepage:
GenderFest: Transgender Social Network
https://twitter.com/GenderFest1
https://plus.google.com/111413905744527905523/posts
Yes and no. I feel I should do more in the communities. I post a lot to share my story of transition. All the good and bad so others will know they are not alone. I also help manage a facebook page, twitter account, and google+ page for Genderfest.com. Here is a description of Genderfest from the homepage:
GenderFest: Transgender Social Network
Being transgender doesn't mean you have to be alone. Actually, I prefer "gender variant", "gender free", or "gender positive" - but the point here is that together, acting as a community, we can and are changing the world.
We strive to serve a diverse audience: Some people identify as transgender, trans, transsexual, cross-dressers – or know someone who does – and some reject labels all together. That’s great -- because the important word was people. Let's not forget, wherever our conversations go, that we are all people, people who deserve the same respect, safety, and human rights as everyone else. I certainly can’t speak for everyone, nor do I try – all I can do is speak for myself. Let me say this, then: I reject the notion that there are two boxes, “Male” and “Female”, and that an individual most fit into one of these two boxes their entire life.
Instead, I think of gender as a spectrum, that spectrum existing as one property of many characteristics: gender expression and gender identity are two examples. In fact, I’m not sure that “Male” and “Female” are necessarily the two dichotomous ends of the spectrum.
I invite you to journey with me, to look at these issues and so many more. As a community we can build a more accepting and safer environment.
With the social media pages, I share information, news, and resources regarding the trans community and the LGBT community. It helps give me a sense of purpose getting the word out and maybe helping others.
If interested here are the links:
https://plus.google.com/111413905744527905523/posts
Thursday, September 12, 2013
30 Day Trans Challenge - Day 4
4) How did your family take it when you came out/ if you are not out why aren't you?
The family that I have come out took it better than I expected. They seemed to have the same response of everyone else I've come out to.... "Oh yeah, we knew that." I'm out to my parents, my sister, her husband, and 2 cousins. All have been supportive and fine about it. My parents tend to be a little less supportive or they are just clueless. I'm hoping clueless. They just still reaffirm me being their son. Like they say it more than they did before I came out. Maybe they are still getting used to it. Maybe it's hard for them to see me as a daughter as I still present mostly male for now. But in time I think they will come around. Baby steps. It only bothers me when I'm on the downward swing of my emotions. And I know slip ups happen. Everyone has known me as male for 34+ years. It's an adjustment. I get that. Like last night I was called uncle. I know it was a slip. It didn't bother me.
As for why I'm not out to the rest of my family.... they are super religious and conservative. I think some of my aunts and uncles would be fine if I came out to them, but my grandmother and great aunt would not be. They both live for fox news and they are the type that pick and choose from the bible to what suits them. Both are up there in age, so I don't have to hide forever. Interesting though is that even with how religious and conservative my grandmother is... she didn't care when I was six and my sister and aunt dressed me up as a girl. She at times encouraged it. I know she isn't like that now. Three husbands later and now alone made her bitter and all about church and believing every word of Fox News. Oh well.
I need to amend my answer to Day 2 regarding my name. I may be keeping my birth name, but I did pick a nickname for myself. It's many for the kids in my life that I call nieces and nephews. I picked the nickname Bibi. It means aunt in Indonesia. And another variation has developed... Beebs. I like both and wish I was called them more often. They're cute nicknames.
The family that I have come out took it better than I expected. They seemed to have the same response of everyone else I've come out to.... "Oh yeah, we knew that." I'm out to my parents, my sister, her husband, and 2 cousins. All have been supportive and fine about it. My parents tend to be a little less supportive or they are just clueless. I'm hoping clueless. They just still reaffirm me being their son. Like they say it more than they did before I came out. Maybe they are still getting used to it. Maybe it's hard for them to see me as a daughter as I still present mostly male for now. But in time I think they will come around. Baby steps. It only bothers me when I'm on the downward swing of my emotions. And I know slip ups happen. Everyone has known me as male for 34+ years. It's an adjustment. I get that. Like last night I was called uncle. I know it was a slip. It didn't bother me.
As for why I'm not out to the rest of my family.... they are super religious and conservative. I think some of my aunts and uncles would be fine if I came out to them, but my grandmother and great aunt would not be. They both live for fox news and they are the type that pick and choose from the bible to what suits them. Both are up there in age, so I don't have to hide forever. Interesting though is that even with how religious and conservative my grandmother is... she didn't care when I was six and my sister and aunt dressed me up as a girl. She at times encouraged it. I know she isn't like that now. Three husbands later and now alone made her bitter and all about church and believing every word of Fox News. Oh well.
I need to amend my answer to Day 2 regarding my name. I may be keeping my birth name, but I did pick a nickname for myself. It's many for the kids in my life that I call nieces and nephews. I picked the nickname Bibi. It means aunt in Indonesia. And another variation has developed... Beebs. I like both and wish I was called them more often. They're cute nicknames.
Wednesday, September 11, 2013
30 Day Trans Challenge - Day 3
3) Have you ever been outed?
Sorry this is a short one. The answer is no. I have not.
Sorry this is a short one. The answer is no. I have not.
Tuesday, September 10, 2013
30 Day Trans Challenge - Day 2
2) How did you choose your name, and what names were you thinking about using and why?
This one is easy. I'm not changing my name. My name can be used by males and females. It was a predominately male name, but that is changing and more females have my name.
This one is easy. I'm not changing my name. My name can be used by males and females. It was a predominately male name, but that is changing and more females have my name.
Monday, September 9, 2013
30 Day Trans Challenge - Day 1
With today being 9 months on hormones, I thought it might be good to do the 30 Day Trans Challenge.
1) When did you realize the term transgender referred to you?
From a young age (5 or 6), I never really felt comfortable being a boy. At 13 I had started a nightly ritual of wishing I was a girl. I didn't realize the term transgender referred to me until around January 2012. My life seemed to be spiraling out of control... at least internally. I had for the longest time, worn certain feminine clothing, like girls jeans, girls underwear, and occasionally a bra. I had always rationalized them as just being more comfortable to wear than men's clothes. But it got to the point where I knew I was lying to myself and others. Every night I turned the wish into begging and pleading with the gods or whomever might be listening to be a woman. I was losing it. I disliked seeing my male self in the mirror. As I was trying to find myself and stop the spiral, I discovered Gender Dysphoria. After reading the description, I knew that is what I had, but I had not yet accepted that I was transgender. Then as I began writing my emotions down and doing major soul searching I realized then that I was transgender. I am a transgender woman. But realizing and accepting don't always go hand in hand. I knew who I was, but it wasn't until May 2012 that I began to accept that I am a transgender woman. By the end of 2012 I fully accepted who I was. It still is hard. Even after 9 months into my transition. 9 months on hormones, it's still a battle. Internally and externally. I know this is the right path, no matter how hard it is and will always be. I will have my doubts when I am weak and beaten down. I will threaten to stop the transition when I fear my world collapsing around me. But each time, I scrape up the strength to stay the course. It is a tough balancing act, to stay happy and keep those in my life happy. But we will make it through. Just got to remind myself that. We will only be stronger from this journey.
1) When did you realize the term transgender referred to you?
From a young age (5 or 6), I never really felt comfortable being a boy. At 13 I had started a nightly ritual of wishing I was a girl. I didn't realize the term transgender referred to me until around January 2012. My life seemed to be spiraling out of control... at least internally. I had for the longest time, worn certain feminine clothing, like girls jeans, girls underwear, and occasionally a bra. I had always rationalized them as just being more comfortable to wear than men's clothes. But it got to the point where I knew I was lying to myself and others. Every night I turned the wish into begging and pleading with the gods or whomever might be listening to be a woman. I was losing it. I disliked seeing my male self in the mirror. As I was trying to find myself and stop the spiral, I discovered Gender Dysphoria. After reading the description, I knew that is what I had, but I had not yet accepted that I was transgender. Then as I began writing my emotions down and doing major soul searching I realized then that I was transgender. I am a transgender woman. But realizing and accepting don't always go hand in hand. I knew who I was, but it wasn't until May 2012 that I began to accept that I am a transgender woman. By the end of 2012 I fully accepted who I was. It still is hard. Even after 9 months into my transition. 9 months on hormones, it's still a battle. Internally and externally. I know this is the right path, no matter how hard it is and will always be. I will have my doubts when I am weak and beaten down. I will threaten to stop the transition when I fear my world collapsing around me. But each time, I scrape up the strength to stay the course. It is a tough balancing act, to stay happy and keep those in my life happy. But we will make it through. Just got to remind myself that. We will only be stronger from this journey.
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